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Lies, texts, and not actually fat or old

My husband has been texting a woman. The other night, he mentioned texting several people, naming them off. However, the vast majority of texts (13) were to a woman he didn't mention.
He had a lunch date with her that I didn't know.
Months back, he told me there is nothing to worry about, she's fat and old. I saw a picture of her from about a couple years ago. She wasn't fat. She's not old, she's a few years younger than we are.

When I mention anything to him, he gets very defensive.

How can I bring this up with him? I only found this information out by looking at his cell phone bill.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Jun. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • i would tell him you know he is having an affair, that she called you and explained things and see if he backs himself into a corner.

    Answer by angevil53 at 10:28 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • My husband and I leave our cell phones lying around all the time. If someone texts me he looks at it and vice versa whomever is closest to the cell phone at the time looks at it. Know what that tells me? We have nothing to hide. If he carries his cell with him everywhere and you found out by looking at the bill. Sounds like he has something to hide. He doesn't sound faithful. If it were me I would say. Hey guy, If you think you can find someone or something better than what you've got right here at home, then just go for it cuz there are about 10 guys lined up for a chance to be with me. I can find someone who will be faithful to me and be what I want. I don't have time for your lies and nonesense. Good bye!

    Answer by lowencope at 10:30 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • He thinks he's getting away with it by being partially honest. But he's leaving a lot out. And what he doesn't realize is that what he is leaving out is hurting you. And even IF there is NOTHING going on, by you finding out, that doesn't matter now. You are hurt, and there is not a damn thing he can do about that now. He should have told you from the get go. But he didn't, so no matter what he says now, he's f@cked. I'd call him on it, proof in hand. No proof=more lies. How do you know what she looks like?? If you know all this, you know what the texts say as well. So, what kinds of things are they talking about? Are you worried about what they say, or what she looks like?

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:31 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Seek and you shall find...You already know whats going on..If you feel it, its happening..Trust yourself and your instincts..>Man will lie til the end, don't ask anymore questions, come right out and tell him you know whats going on..if it was nothing, he'd have no reason to lie about it..stop letting these men try and take over our minds and believe we are stuck on stupid.. We are too smart for hald-a** cover-ups.

    Answer by nikki1012009 at 10:33 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I think you did bring it up to him,, and he has not come clean with you,, could you call the woman? I think you need to have a LONG talk with your hubby and get to the bottom of it,,,,he is lying to you for a reason,,but before you jump to conclusions you need to have a clear picture of what is going on,,,,Have you ever had lunch with a man,, and not mentioned it to your hubby? Now if they work together, there could be a logical explanation,, what did the texts say? If he is locking up his phone so you can't get into it,, another bad sign,,,so sorry mamma!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:36 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • When I found out my Husband was cheating I looked at the cell phone bill and called the number he was talking to a lot. Turned out she didnt have a phone so she would use her friends phone, and her friend told me everything about what was going on. The only thing you can do is confront him, and it is gonna be a fight but you should be pissed and not want to worry about how to bring it up! Dont put up with that or be treated that way!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I hate to tell you this but he is most definitely having an affair. Men don't text other women or go to lunch with them unless they want to or are having sex with them. Getting defensive is a sure fire sign of being guilty. How do you bring this up to him? You let him have it with everything you've got!! He is cheating on you sweetie and you have EVERY right to find out and confront! Don't believe his BS, this woman is NOT his friend he is having sex with her, or at least trying to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Why are you posting questions? They all sound the same in the title. Stop looking for trouble.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 10:42 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Another thing you could try is getting a hold of his phone and texting her something racy and see how she responds. That is if you can get his phone, if you can't then there is another BIG suspicion that he is trying to hide something from you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • The business he is in requires a lot of talking to different people. He works for himself, she is a married customer.

    Unfortunately, he pretty much knows that there aren't 10 men lined up for me, I'm a SAHM and don't get out often, except to the grocery store.

    I saw texts from her canceling lunch one day. He deletes a lot of the texts, I started getting suspicious about her because he was deleting texts one day and I looked at his bill. He'd left a few 'say nothing' texts from a "conversation" but deleted several texts.

    I found a picture of her online.

    I have not had lunch with any men with or without telling him about it. I pretty much stopped talking to other casual men friends when we got together, out of respect for his feelings.

    It really pisses me off that I am stuck at home watching his children while he's having lunch dates with other women.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

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