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If you have/had no friends, how do/would you feel when your significant other hangs out with his?

For some reason, I get upset when my boyfriend hangs out with his friends, even if its not that often. I have no friends, so its hard for me to sit at home with our son while he goes out. If I had friends and knew that if he goes out with friends, I can later go out with mine, I wouldnt mind. But its hard to be the one to ALWAYS sit at home while he goes out (even if its not that often). I dont want to be controlling and selfish, but if I could have it my way, he would always either be at home or going out with ME. Also, he works fulltime while I'm a stay at home mom and I feel like I've had enough of sitting in the house by myself just with him at work, so I dont want to have to continue to sit by myself while he then goes out. I've been so frustrated with this!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Jun. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You need to find something for YOU!! Let him go out with his friends and make some friends of your own. You will go crazy just staying home all the time, you need time alone too!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I don't have any words of advice for you, other than to find some friends to hang out with?

    I'm in the same situation as you are, my husband goes out with friends, and just does things, leaving me (almost always) home with the children. He doesn't feel the need to ask if I mind staying home, or if I have plans or anything I want/need to do. He just goes and assumes that I will be the always on call babysitter. The few times that I have done something (and NEVER night time activities or outings), he usually is calling me several times to ask when I'll be home. He would, I'm sure, balk at my going out to hang out with friends. It angers me that there is this double standard.

    If we do go out, it's almost always with the children.

    I don't feel like a fun person anymore.
    I'm looking forward to seeing the responses you get.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I've never had any issue with him going out. He deserves to. Maybe you should work on getting yourself some friends, so this doesn't come up any more.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:02 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I am in the same boat as you. I have a friend, but we don't really do anything but talk on the phone on occasion. My husband has "guy's nights" about once every month or two where he goes to a friends home and plays video games all night and comes home the next morning (much better than driving home drunk that night). On the one hand, I'm a little jealous that he has that. On the other, I'm glad that he has that.
    Good to see I'm not the only one.
    Having a date night with just him helps a lot, even if it has to be at home after our daughter goes to bed and it's just cuddling on the couch w/popcorn and a movie.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 12:03 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • First I would never sit at home and second I was in your shoes I got up and walked to the park or worked on my writing or even went to the library for fun. You should find yourself a hobby and something you can do for yourself. Make a playgroup invite mothers with you children your child's age. Anything can be worth it for you to get out of the house. GL Momma

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:11 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • sounds like your issue is needing some time out. find a way to tell him you need to get out too. i know it's hard to find friends when you're in your situation, but they're out there... even if you have to get out and just go somewhere by yourself doing something you enjoy - it may seem lonely at first, but it's a chance to get out. see if you can get a sitter so the two of you can get out together. also, one of the things i found really helpful when my daughter was young was having other mom friends with whom i could trade babysitting days as well as have friendships where i could take the baby and have adult time too. find some local mom boards or other groups.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:29 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • dont mean to be harsh but you cant expect your hubby to be your everything. get out there and make some friends. how old is your son? his playmates must have moms you could hook up with? try some mom meet-up groups, even look for your area on cafemom and see if they have a local group, you can connect then meet the moms. do you have any interests? join a group! you have to do this for yourself. its not something your hubby can solve. you should also be meeting couples as a couple. what about his friends wives? call them when the guys go out and you girls can get together alone or with the kiddos.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • i hear ya!
    me and my SO dont usually ever go out without eachother. if were going to go out, we have a sitter for our son and go out together. if he tries to go out and thinks im gonna sit home with our son alone, he will get shit for it. you need to make some friends, or do u at least have a sitter for your son? cuz you could always go out and go shopping, get ur hair done, get a message, whatever.
    i didnt have any friends to go out with on friday night, so i went to the bar by myself. lol.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:45 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I am living the same way...my husband goes away for days though, he hangs out with his family and leaves me and the kids home. I live in a small town where I treid to make friends and those women got enough dirt on me then dropped me so they could turn their heartless backs on me and spread gossip. This is a very small town where if you weren't born here you don't belong here. my husband doesn't have local friends but he does have a job where he gets to be social at. then the weekends he drives to the next town to see his family, goes to the bar and just has his own fun.
    I broke down and expressed all my feelings, he hugged me said he was sorry and will change....I think he forgot about that moment because he hasn't changed....if you live in a suburb or larger area try a playgroup or early childhood classes through the school. I do know how hard it can be to be home 24/7.
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 2:52 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • At my house I am the one who likes to go out to lunch with my friend or with my mom/sis. My hubs is ok with me going out -- as long as he knows ahead of time and knows where I will be and about what time I will be back. When I go out he will either stay home and do his own thing, or he will have a 'fun day' with the kids. My hubs usually does not go out with friends, sometimes he will take 1 of the kids and have a day with them, or he will go over to his mom/brothers without me, and I am ok with that. When he does go some where without me I just make other plans, or I stay home and do something I want to do-- like work on a hobby, read, or watch a movie with the kids (if they are home).
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

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