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Why do ladies automatically assume that a stepmom is not an equal parent

in ANY situation just because the SM is not biologically related to a child?

Situations vary. I am a stepmom but I'm the one who spends the most time with SK. I am the one crawling out of bed to get breakfasts, do laundry and buying clothes, taking SK to parks, lessons, classes, making sure they get bathed, etc.

BM is not in picture, does not pay child support, ANYTHING

DH works a lot

So just because I wasn't there to "Make" SK I'm basically nothing? That's just s*****.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Jun. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • I agree. I love my boys!!!! They have their mom everyday but I am still here when BM works to do homework, make food, do arts and crafts, have movies day etc etc. They say I am second to mom but she is their mom and they love her the most. that's fine with me but they love me like a second mom which is awesome!!!!!!

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 2:41 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I completely agree with you op- I am in the same place as you. I have two step kids and bio mom is a dead beat. She gets phone visitation only...that's how pathetic she is. I have been the primary parent in the kids life, because my hubby works hard to provide a beautiful home and all his family's needs. I am so sick and tired of being treated like I'm nobody because I didn't give birth to them, I am more of a mother than there bio-mom will ever be. I love the kids and know more about them than she ever will. I really wish the courts, family, in-laws and many other people would recognize the important roles that step parents play in the lives of these children and give us some respect, and show us some love.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I think that is great, that both you are step moms and doing a great job! For me I say my dads wife, I do not like her at all. I could not even get the words out of my mouth to call her that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Taking over where someone else cannot fill the position, will not, or should not, is a wonderful thing for all step-moms to do, and I hope that the children who you care for, and love as your own will someday realize just what you have done for them, and for SMs who are in the picture along with BM, kudos to you too :P

    Answer by BisketLiss at 3:11 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I was raised by my stepdad and he was the only father I knew so I can say from experience that the love from a step parent is not the same as the love from a real parent. At least not in my situation. My mom was much more loving and selfless with us.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Hello fellow stepmom,, and in your case you are a full parent,, in my case I am more of a mom 'friend" BM is very active in the kids life,, and alhough a flake,, I leave the discipline to their dad,, unless it is an emergency,, I applaud you,, and ALOT of women don't know how tough it is,, I love those kids like they are mine,, and I know you do too! HUGS!

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:35 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I agree with you OP. You do the work of taking care of that child and making sure that he/she is taken care of properly. How dare someone say you aren't the mother. I have seen many stepparents not care about their stepchildren and I think that is why stepparents get such bad names. I think it is another one of those what someone experiences and sees makes them assume things about a certain "class" such as stepparents, SAHM, working moms etc. that is what I mean by class.

    Answer by carmadsmom at 3:40 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I have two step-children and my hubby and I have our DD on mothers day my step-children call or come with cards in hand and presents at times. My in-laws and my step-childrens mother see me as another to them my step-children and there own mother will tell people that i am the other mother and if something ever happened to the BM i would adopt the kids in a minute and she would be more then happy to have me raise them. None of our children are treated differently they are all my children and they are loved and care for. I guess im just lucky. Step-moms are the coolist my step-DD just told me to write that :~)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • well u r not a typical SM...many of us that have to deal with a step-parent do so from a divorce. My son's SM (although I refuse to use that term) was the woman my husband cheated on me with. She knew he was married and knew he had a child. In fact, they had "family" time together even before I found out. She also got herself pregnant on purpose soon after I found out about their affair.
    She is not the primary parent, I am. And I expect that when my son is with his Dad that his Dad be the primary CG. Yes, she does things with him and so far treats he well but I have no respect for her as a mom or as a woman.
    If you are the one taking the most care of the child then good for you and I am happy that child has someone that loves them and cares for them. In my case, as in many, we are real moms who are forced to share our children with someone we truly resent. That's very difficult. Our children should be with us....

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • My kids are much older when my EX married a second time,then my kids were in the same house with her, but moved out fast.They don't think of her as a step-anything,just (my father's wife), and call her by her fist name. I'm their Mother,and will alwys be their Mother. They are of my blood,nothing to her- and over my DEAD body would my kids call her MOM

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

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