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Am I the only full time stay at home mom of 2 that struggles with the desire to stay at home and the desire to do something with my life? What will I do when my children are grown? Where along the line did I lose myself?

I stay home with my two young children 2& 5. My husband travels a lot. This leaves me alone with my children most of the time. I've recently stopped feeling satisifed with the direction my life is going. I've always known I wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I don't want to sound selfish, but somewhere along the line that stopped being enough. My oldest will be in full day kindergarten next year, my daughter will still be home. With my husbands crazy schedule... and no family around to help with my children, I've not been able to find any time to even figure out what I want to do with my life. Let alone do it! What should I do?

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cherishedaustin

Asked by cherishedaustin at 2:56 PM on Jun. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • No. Not at all. I think just by being a mother, our roles are so confusing. We want it all, naturally. But somewhere along the line we just have to give up some of our dreams, or rather, put them on hold until the family is grown. When my kids were little, I tried both, staying at home full time, and working full time. There are issues with both. I always felt pressured to get a job when I was trying to stay at home, and I always felt pressure for taking off days when the kid were sick when I worked full time. None of it is easy. Now, the kids are grown and I am finally going to be able to get out and do something I want to do.

    What should you do right now? Nothing if you can. Just enjoy spending and cherishing the time that your children are little. They grow up far too fast!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 3:02 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Maybe you can get out and meet some friends or even go over to the local community college and take some online classes. You can decide what you want and maybe even get a hobby?

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:10 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • While I love being a SAHM, I can see how you'd feel that way. At least you gave it really fair shot. I may or may not go back to work once my son starts school (which won't be for over 4 years). If you're really torn, you could try waiting a few more years until your youngest starts school, then go back to work or go to school for something that you really want to do. I'm not sure what other advice to offer, but I hope you find a solution. Hang in there. :)
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 3:10 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Thank you all for your responses. I guess I pretty much knew everything you've all said. I'd love to just relax and enjoy the time with my children. But between the needs of my autistic 5 year old and the demands of a 2 year old, and the lack of any support from family... including my husband most of the time. There really isn't any time for me to "get a hobby" or go back to school or meet new friends. All my friends get pretty fed up with my son and his tantrums pretty fast and quickly stop returning my phone calls. Most of my family don't understand his needs either. It's just very upsetting. I love spending time with both of my children. But I haven't even taken a shower in 3.5 months without someone walking in to tell me they need something. When you're dealing with children with special needs you don't get to just lock the door and tell them you need time.
    cherishedaustin

    Answer by cherishedaustin at 3:17 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • i'v pretty much decided when my kids both get in school, i'm going to college. i'm getting a degree. i love being just mom, but i'd like to help provide for my family too. i just feel like that is the best way for me to go.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 3:20 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • It happens to most of us, being a stay at home mom means giving up on personal plans in order to accomodate our children.
    Children grow up quick, then you can think of yourself,but some of us can have it all it depends on your priorities.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:26 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • hun i hate satying home. so idecided am going to become someone. am going to become a photographer, that way ican satyy home with them a few days a week, but still do something with my life
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 3:58 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • You could work from home. HEAR ME OUT, I'M NOT PEDDLING A BUSINESS! It was great for me. I researched jobs and careers that were compatible with freelancing and operating from home... and now I'm doing it. I got started with no idea what I was doing, but now I have career goals in a business flexible enough to allow me to take time when I need it. Find something you love and just do it. I think kids are happier when mom is happier. Quality time is what counts.
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 8:14 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Honestly, now is the time to establish a career and get a great jump on savings for retirement and college. Your kids will need to have you around much more when they are between 12 and 18 than they do now.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:34 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

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