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What would you do if your husband secretly got a viscectomy?

(pretty sure I spelled the key word incorrectly, but oh well.)

My husband and I were recently discussing how many more children we would like to have (we have one, at the moment). Just to tease him, I said that I planned to have at least ten, whether he liked it or not. He responded with something like, "Then after four, I'll just take the bullets out of the gun without telling you." He was joking, of course, and I don't believe he would ever do such a thing behind my back. His comment did get me thinking though, because I know men sometimes do just that when their wife wants more children but they don't.

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Asked by KarmicChild at 4:05 PM on Jun. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (249 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • The fact that he kept it secret from me would be a HUGE loss of trust in our relationship

    Answer by chrissifaye at 4:07 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I guess I would stop getting pregnant.

    Just kidding (well not really...) but I would want to know why he couldn't come to me about it first. If he was really done having children I would want to know why and yes, I would also lose trust.

    Answer by Anna_Lee at 4:09 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I think that a vasectomy or tubal is a topic both partners need to discuss and both agree on. I think it would be sneaky and underhanded for one partner to do something permanent like that without the other's knowledge or consent. If my hubs would have done it I would have been pissed, felt betrayed, hurt and not be too happy with him making a decision like that without me. I would also have a hard time trusting him again.

    When I was pregnant with #3, hubs and I were discussing what we would do next, as we both agreed that #3 was going to be the last. I told my hubs that I was thinking of having my tubes tied (since #3 was going to be a c-section and they would be in there anyway) he agreed with me and thought that would be the best option and that is what I did. I would not have done it if he had any objections or reservations.

    Answer by MizLee at 4:19 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I guess I wouldn't know right? I would think that we had just finished,,,,Now how do you GET your hubby to get a vasectomy???

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:21 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • If his doctor knows he's married, he can't unless you aprove- same for you- you can't tie your tubes with his saying its OK

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • Me and my husband are on the same page about children so, this does not apply. But, if he were to do that, we would be getting a divorce on the grounds of fraud. If he went and did something like that without at least consulting me there would be no trust left. We are married we are supposed to decide things as one. And I just asked him, he feels the same way I do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • It wouldn't have been possible for my dh because we were living in England at the time he had hisand doctors will not perform a vasectomy without written consent from the wife.


    Answer by beeky at 7:17 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

  • I'd say "oh. okay. do you need some ice?" DH and I actually just discussed this earlier today, we're not having any more kids and he's going to get a vasectomy soon. I'd be suprised if he got it without telling me when he was going to get it, but that would be about it. I guess that doesn't really answer the question though, since it wouldn't REALLY be "behind my back".

    Answer by Koukla12905 at 7:43 PM on Jun. 13, 2010

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