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why am i extremley anxious when my boyfriend goes on a business trip when i think about him masterbating?

this is so embarassing but i thought we are all adults here and someone can help me make sense of this. my boyfriend is in the coast guard and he goes away for 2 weeks at a time. he has ALOT of free time in his hotel room, and when i think about what he is doing when hes sitting in his hotel room, i get sick to my stomach if i think hes masterbating. at home, im just as bad. i watch him constantly to "make sure" hes not doing it. he been gone 1 out of the 2 weeks today, and im thinking about asking him if hes done it. i cant stop. im anxious allllll the time. i cant stand the thought of him doing that. why? whats the big deal, right? every man does it? we have a great sex life, but im not on the road with him, so who knows what hes doing. i had a boyfriend for 6 years that looked at porn and did that all day long & lied to me about it, but thats not a problem in this relationship. maybe i am just scarred:/ help!

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I'd seek counseling

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 9:54 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Since masturbating is as normal as using the bathroom or swallowing when you eat, it may be that you have an underlying problem that should be checked into. Perhaps you should ask your doctor for a referral to a professional who could help you. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 9:56 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • you cant blame him for another guy doing something wrong to you.. you are in a completly different relationship!! get over it

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I am the same way! When he's in the bathroom for too long I check the bathroom out to make sure he isn't hiding any magazines or something... not sure why I am like this. Just don't want him thinking about anyone else.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Just a little statistic I read somewhere, when most men masturbate, they are usually thinking of the person they are with (you). Did you ever try taking sexy or nude pics of yourself and giving them to him to take with him. I'm sure he would love that! Masturbating is normal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Either way it's your insecurities talking.
    1. If he does he'll end up cheating.
    2. If he does it'll be because of you not being good enough..

    But in reality almost every guy does do it and it has nothing to do with anyone but their high sex drive.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:17 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • go buy a vibrator & YOU masturbate. Not only will it seriously improve your orgasms, but hopefully, you will learn to not be such a weirdo about masturbation. Totally feel sorry for your boyfriend, this is something you really need to work on. I think buying yourself a vibrator & playing by yourself at home will take away some of your anxiety.

    Men can have serious health problems if they don't bust a nut that needs to be busted, so leave him alone & let him masturbate! You are paranoid & worrying about something that you should never even think about.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:31 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • first of all, i have tried counseling.
    second of all, samurai, i dont think ME doing it will help anything. 2 weeks isnt that long, and he should be able to wait for me. we have an amazing relationship in every department. sexual & everything else. coming home to me, is what he should be waiting for

    Answer by connorsmommy418 at 10:40 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I hate when people say "get over it!" Ladies, she came for advice, not for your judgement which by the way is NOT your job. Its hard to just "get over" what someone else did to you psychologically for such a long time. My ex constantly accused me of cheating. I would come home (with our daughter even!) after GROCERY SHOPPING. It would take longer than I planned and the first thing I hear upon walking inside was "who were you F*ing this time?" So now that I am married, maybe out of habit, I dont know, I am always proving to my husband I wont cheat on him. I save all my texts, calls, leave my phone where he can see it and hear it. I insist he comes with me places. I am getting better, but my husband is the least jealous person in the world. Though I know he trusts me, I still prove all the time. Its a similar thing where the past is still the present. When you start feeling this way, take a step back and remember his...Cont

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:52 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • faithfulness to you. Things he has said/done. Build trust in yourself in him. Combat the negative thoughts with truth. (that is why remembering the good will help). I call them “tangible thoughts.” If what you don’t know is making you feel this way switch to what you do know will make you feel better.

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:53 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

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