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Why do men think they can have the best of both worlds?

We have children together, and I decided to move out.

He complains about everything and is always negative. If I do something, he says you should have talked to me about it. Hello, he never talks to me about anything. So for the summer he is going away for 3 weeks which is good for him, but this is the 3rd time he is getting away. What about me??? I am so tired of him being selfish and I am in therapy trying to hold on to something that will never be. Does that make me selfish?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • sounds like he is selfish. Tell him no more listening to Miley Cyris
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:27 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Be open to him about moving out. Don't just leave and have him come home to an empty house, that would be a very unkind thing to do. I hope you have tried counseling first before making such an important decision and that you are set up with a place to stay and an income.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:33 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • *************Be open to him about moving out. Don't just leave and have him come home to an empty house, that would be a very unkind thing to do. I hope you have tried counseling first before making such an important decision and that you are set up with a place to stay and an income.

    I would never, ever to that to anyone...
    Yes I have been in counsling, and no we both have our own place come July 1, he is not going to be shocked. He is well aware yet we are suppose to be working on the relationship but he seems to be worried aobut him self, I am so tired.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Men think they can have the best of both worlds because women have handed it to them on a silver platter. Men who are not required to make commitments to marriage and family before enjoying all the fringe benefits of marriage simply do not see it as being important to a woman. Women tend to think married even when they are not. Men do not think married--they continue to think single, which is why they didn't propose marriage to begin with. There are a few men who decide on their own to settle down with the original families they have produced, but it is rare. Instead, when they do decide to settle down to marriage and a family, they usually are more interested in a bride who does not already have experience. I think the only chance you have at having what you want with this guy is to make him think you are done playing house with him, that you are ready for the real deal and are not willing to settle for anything less!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I would sit down and tell him this is a relationship and we are both responsible for how it fell off the tracks. After I would go on my own three week trip and I would spend sometime while he is away writing down what you want and where you see you and your kids five years from now. Therapy only works when you both want it I would use that therapy to figure out what you want direct it towards your future and how you can decide what you want. This three weeks should be about you and how your going to either save the relationship or move on to new grounds. Decide for you and your kids. GL Momma

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:42 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Protecting your sanity is NOT being selfish
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:50 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I agree with the anon who said men believe this because women have allowed it, and that is so true. If this would have been talked out after his first outing then you wouldn't be going through it again. This man needs to be taught a good lesson in parenthood, is not only a one way street, it takes two to make one and if you are still a couple then two to bring them up.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:57 AM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • It happens because men have been made to believe they are entitled to it. As you can see in some of the answers you've gotten, you're getting blamed for not somehow getting into his head and magically making him understand how extremely selfish he was being the very first time he decided to take off by himself. I kind of doubt you said nothing to that even though I obviously was not there for the event. Contrary to popular cliches, it does not take two to tango. I think if he is not going to work on the relationship and is even now planning a three week trip when you are both supposed to be working to save it, he is being unbelievably selfish and immature. If you really think he'll listen bring it up one more time. But since you are both aware that you are going to be living seperately soon and he is okay with that, I doubt he'll change his mind with one more talk.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:07 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Are you married? Or is he a SO? If you are not married, he really has no reason to try and I can't see how this will ever work without a real commitment. Sorry, but you did ask.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • yes-What is a so anyway? I should divorce him and give him too you. You sound just like him, selfish and ignorant.

    Sorry you feel that way but a peace of paper anyone can get. So many men/woman are married but that does not make them committed. My x is one of them, he married, still wanted me and If I would have been his booty call then. I would have been the stupid butona on the side.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

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