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Ya know that guy thats "just a friend"?

You know how some guys are soo sweet and perfect, but they just aren't your type...and you just see them as a friend? I have a friend like that...and he's going crazy, because everytime he starts to fall for someone...they come out and say...I just see you as a friend, or like brother to me...but I don't think I could have a relationship with you...I'm trying to figure out what kind of advice I can give him to maybe change that about him...but I don't know what to say. I mean, he's a great guy...he's the sweetest guy in the world, and would make an amazing boyfriend given the chance, but girls never seem to give him a chance...I'm engaged with two kids...and he's a bit younger than me...so there's no chance there for us, and I'm also not interested...he's nothing but a friend to me....what can I tell him to make him feel better...and maybe finally get the girl? any ideas?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • He has to find his own way. When the right woman comes along he'll be fine. He has to make his own journey and each rejection will make him stronger and the opportunity to redefine himself. Since he's just a friend you don't know what the problem is. It may be a sexual thing for the women. I have fixed my dd up with men that are amazing but she says she can't see sleeping with him so we move on!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I agree he has to find his own way. But, here's some advice that you (and he) can take or leave. It's advice I gave to my son (and a friend of his - with his parent's permission - they knew he talked to me about things he was embarrassed to talk to his parents about, and they and he knew that I would talk to them about anything serious that came up).

    They were talking about not wanting to be friends with a girl, because they fell into the "friend trap". As I explained to them - there was difference between having a guy who's a friend, and having a guy who, basically, becomes a "girlfriend". It's good to start out as friends - because then both of you have a chance to see if this is a person you want to consider romantically. But, once you cross into being a "girlfriend" then you might as well give it up - you won't ever be seen as a "guy" by them.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:12 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • cont

    A guy friend can be there to talk to, to hang out with, etc. But if it's a girl that he thinks he might want to date sometime, he should NOT be offering her dating advice, going shopping with her, etc. No matter how sexually enlightened we are, that's going to put him into the "girlfriend" group. Instead, he should say something like "I think you look great in whatever you wear" instead of helping pick it out (to start - when he's setting whether he's a guy friend or a guy who's a "girlfriend"). When she wants dating advice, or to cry on his shoulder about another guy - he should be gentle but honest - say to her something like "I know this is hard on you, and I'm sorry you're upset and hurting. But I feel really uncomfortable talking to you about other guys..."

    anyway - this is just a vague sort of thing and should be changed to suit the situation / person. It's worked so far for my ds - though he is only 17...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:21 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I have been looking for a sweet,nice guy forever. They are husband material. I think women look for the"bad boys" because they think they are "sexy". But the realy sweet and nice guys are even sexier,in my opinion. It is just silly and immature to like the bad boys. Wake up,girls.
    Some day, this sweetguy will meet an intelligent and sophisticated woman who has the brains to appreciate him!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I married a guy who was everyone's "brother". When I started dating him, suddenly girls started looking at him differently and wanted him for themselves. Funny how that happens.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I should add though, that the guy I married (we'll be married 18 yrs in July) was the one guy in my circle of friends that was truly a gentleman, who didn't try, in some way or to some degree, to take advantage of me or get me into bed for a quick roll in the sack. But, as I said above, he also nicely but firmly refused to talk to me about my dating life with other guys. Not that I was dating other guys for too long after we became friends :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:34 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Just be there for him. He sounds like a gem, not alot of them out here.

    Maybe he is seeking girls that want the bad boy. I don't know but what i do know and learned.

    The person you least expect to be the one for you is usually the one. Meaning, maybe he should try to speak to all kinds of woman if he didn't already, and if he is not being picky and see there might be a special lady stairing him in the face and he is not looking in the right direction.

    You can't look for love, it will find you. Trust me it is true, just go on doing what you do. The lady of his dreams will find him. Good luck!!!
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 12:36 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • sailorwifenmom....my friend is also 17 lol. I just feel so bad for him, ya know?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Tell him to get a job. Women like men with money.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • It sounds like he is attracted to women who are not attracted to him. Perhaps that is his biggest problem. The girl that likes him, he probably is not interested.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 2:17 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

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