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New baby HELP!!!

I love my two year old dd to death, but lately she is making me want to scream! I can hardly stand to deal with her some days! We just had a baby, and I know this is an adjustment... but enough is enough. We have done all we could to prepare her, and we're paying special attention to her now that ds is here. Taking her to the park more, meeting her needs first, making sure her routine is still followed as close as possible. And she loves her new brother! But she won't stop touching him, waking him up, trying to hold him and then screaming when it's time for him to be taken. Today she literally tried to have a tug of war with dh when he attempted to pick him up. (she only holds him on a pillow sitting down with one of us helping her, fyi) She's never aggressive toward him, she just acts like he's a toy. Plus she's throwing more tantrums with us. We've tried time outs and everything else we can think of. cont'd

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Asked by ErinHill226 at 3:21 PM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 16 (2,504 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • ...and she's just not getting it. I am still trying to make things easier by having fun time with her and praising all her efforts, but I am beginning to feel we are rewarding bad behavior. How can we balance the dicipline she needs with her need to know that she's still just as special to us??? Any advice is appreciated, even if you disagree with my parenting methods!

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 3:24 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • my 2 yo daughter has really been a pistol lately, and it wasn't until i read your post that i thought this might have something to do with our new baby!
    i really think that you are doing everything right. your daughter is still only two. some kids deal better than others.
    maybe one day you could not take her to the park if she is behaving badly?
    good luck and congratulations!

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 3:33 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • My oldest was 20 months old when I had my second baby and she turned into a monster. Her baby brother just turned two, she will be 4 in August, and we have JUST now made it through this phase. Just be patient and makes sure EACH kid gets the love and attention that they need. Be careful to never treat your toddler like an annoyance.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 3:38 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I am really trying! But after the third time I've gotten him quiet that she's run over to him to yell "IT'S BABY BROTHER!!!! I NEED TO HOLD HIMMM!!!" Its all I can do not to scream in frustration! I'm glad she likes him, bur sheesh. I don't think she gets that he's a little person with feelings yet, so it's hard protectin him from her adoration without hurting her feelings.

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 3:50 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • You're lucky she likes him. When I had my 2nd my first was so jealous that she'd do mean things to him...poke his eyes, throw toys at him, etc. I couldn't leave him in the swing or pack and play to even do house work because she'd drop heavy toys on him. Thankfully when I had the 3rd, both my DD and DS think she's neat and they are crazy about her. My 3 yr old does ask to hold the baby constantly. I found that "oh not right now sweetie" works far better than a straight "no."

    The one thing I've learned with having 3 so close together is that it's your job as a mom to protect the baby without letting your toddler feel like the baby requires more care than she does. That's easier said than done for the first 8 months when baby does require WAY more care than a toddler. You learn to sing to your toddler while changing diapers. Read books to her while you're nursing the baby. Involve your toddler in the baby's care.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:10 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • (cont'd)
    But do so in a way that makes things easier on you. For example, my toddlers get really obnoxious when I change the baby because she's laying down and exposed like a sitting duck. My two year old starts poking at her. My 3 yr old climbs all over her. So, I give them jobs. My 2 year old is in charge of the baby wipes. This also is a great opportunity to teach him counting. He knows how to give me just 1 wipe, or 2, or 3, etc. And my 3 yr old's job is to throw the old diaper away. They like the Wonder Pets, so when I get them involved like this we sing the team work song.

    I was really frazzled when I had my 2nd and it damaged my relationship with my DD just a bit. I now know the art of caring for baby while giving the toddlers the attention they need and my DD and I are starting to grow closer again.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:14 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Oh, and I disagree with not going to the park if she's bad. Kids need to play and getting out in the fresh air is great for lifting their spirits. When my 2 toddlers are being really annoying, I take them on a car ride or outside to play and they get way better. I don't see that as rewarding bad behavior; I see that as giving them what they need. Toddler get cabin fever quite easily.

    My kids love juice and if they're being bad they don't get any juice that day, because juice is something that they DON'T need. I also don't let them wach TV if they've been bad. I use time outs and when time outs aren't working (which is only maybe once a week or so) then I take away favorite toys like the dollhouse.

    The Love Languages book for kids is great read for any mom of 2 close together like this. A toddler acts up when their love tank is empty. If you give them the love and care they need, they behave MUCH better.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:20 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

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