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My boyfriend keeps reading my journal.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months, and we've grown extremely close to eachother. He's a wonderful guy, and we've talked seriously about marraige. However I have a small problem: he's read my journal twice now. The first time he read it, he'd found an old one, and read something I'd written about an ex. We had a little fight, but I thought we'd worked it out. However a couple days ago, he began asking questions.. ones that concerned particularly topics that I'd written about a week ago in my journal. I knew he'd read it again, and I asked him about it. I didn't want to have another fight. We talked it over again. I tried to understand where he's coming from, and why he keeps doing this. We don't have any communication issues, we're very open. He said he keeps invading my privacy because he has low self esteem and just wants to "know how he's doing". Now I'm not sure what to do. Please help! Thanks.

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sj117

Asked by sj117 at 3:49 PM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (17)
  • I'd stop keeping my journal where he could find it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I would stop keeping a journal period.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I keep a journal but I keep it hidden. There are thoughts I like to keep to private. I think a journal is good therapy (at least for me it is). I would say put it somewhere he can't find it, and I would talk to him again about it and let him know how it makes you feel. The low self-esteem could also be a trigger of trust issues, I would continue to let him know you love you and how he makes you feel, to help him feel assured in your relationship, but know that you can't fix him or his issues with low self-esteem he is going to have to work through that himself.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:07 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • write your fournal
    but
    put a smilie stickie note in there saying hi "John" i love you, just wanted you to know, now stop reading my girl time journal and go fix the lawn mower
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I'm mean, I'd write all kinds of horrid stuff about him. If someone is going to invade my privacy and get into my deepest thoughts, then they get what they deserve. HIS insecurity has nothing to do with you or what you write in your journal. That is HIS separate problem that HE needs to work out.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 4:46 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I personally would just not write that kind of stuff down. But leaving him a note inside your journal is kind of funny - "John, put this book down!" lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Tell him to stop. Reading someone's journal is just wrong. If you can't trust him to respect your privacy now then it won't get better once you marry Mr Low Self Esteem. Tell him to work on his S.E. and leave your's alone. (and your journal)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:48 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Write some long passage about how you feel like you can't trust him anymore because he keeps reading your journal. See what happens. If you know he reads it again and doesn't respect your wishes to keep it private, maybe he's not worth your time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I'd say he's reading it because he doesn't trust you. My husband has total access to everything I read or write as do I to what is his. When there is nothing to hide and has never been anything to hide, there is no need to worry about who sees what. You don't trust him and he doesn't trust you--not a good way to start!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Thank you so much for your answers everybody, I really appreciate it! And to clarify, I keep a journal to either record events/keep track and remember them later, or to vent/work my own stuff out. I wouldn't put anything in my journal that I couldn't tell my him about. It's more just the idea that he can't seem to respect my privacy. He can be jealous and insecure, but I work hard to show him how much he means to me. I don't keep secrets. I just want to know that I can have a place of my own to think/dream/process/understand. I've kept journals since I was young, and its something that I don't want to stop doing now, just because I have someone else in my life. Thanks again for the replies, it's really nice to have other people's perspectives.
    sj117

    Answer by sj117 at 5:11 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

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