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ADOPTEES...Do you "long" for your bio-parents?

Do you "long" for your bio-parents? I am not talking about siblings, just parents. Or could you live without knowing them if, you knew your siblings and medical history. My son is adopted and he knows of his bio family and can contact them but, doesn't seem to care either way. He is young so, maybe it will change.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I've know people who differed completely on this so I guess it depends on the person and the situation.

    The first person I know is a girl who was adopted when she was 3 months old through CPS. She was born addicted to drugs and is blind because of it. She wanted very much to meet her birth mother from the time she was about 12 but most of her reason behind it was anger until she turned about 19. Then she just wanted closer and peace. She met her birth mother one time. She asked questions and got the closer she needed. She hasn't spoken of her birth mother since other than right after which was when she said she didn't have the desire to meet with her again.

    Another friend of mine was adopted at birth. His mother was a teen mom. She wrote him a letter and asked his parents to read give it to him some day. It explained some of her reasons behind her decision. He says he's never had any desire to find her at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:31 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • It's def different for every child. I was adopted at 3. I've never wanted to find or connect with my birth family. As far as I know, the family I have now is my real family. I don't even know my medical history either and it's extremely hard to get the medical history as well. I'm sure it's a bit easier nowadays to get it if UR recently adopted. I do know I have a sister but I haven't seen her since I was 16, she just chose the wrong path in life and I don't want to be around that type of person nor do I want my family around that.

    Answer by my2luvbugs at 8:34 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I am an adoptee that grew up in an open adoption. I have never longed for my birth parents, I love them but the relationship I have with them is very different from what I had with my adoptive mother. My birth mother is my best friend, my birth father is more like an older brother we don't talk a lot but we have a lot in common.


    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 10:41 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I don't "long" for my bio-parents. I know my bio-mom, actually. We have a very interesting, though not close, relationship. I would like to find my bio-father for several reasons, but I wouldn't call it a longing. I don't even know his name yet (part of the interesting relationship with bio-mom), but I've been thinking about looking for him a lot more lately. Maybe it's because I'm watching my dad and my in-laws age and I realize I'm running out of time.

    Answer by May-20 at 7:08 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • My Dad adopted my brother and me when we were babies..
    I was always curious about my bio dad, but I also had heard the horror stories about him. Severe abuse to his wives and children. Lies, suspected of murder, etc..
    I'm 29 now, and a little over a year ago I found him online through a social network. His current wife was on his mother's friend list with very limited info the the public could see. I've had contact with my grandmother since I was 13, but never had contact with him.
    After finally making contact last year, I have to admit, I'm glad I was finally able to have some sort of relationship with him, but I can tell that my mom and her family were in no way making things up (his mother confirmed all of the stories anyways).
    For me it was more of a longing to know where I came from, not Longing for him.. make sense?
    My brother has absolutely NO Interest in ever knowing him, never has and probably never will.

    Answer by cfdm3s_mommy at 9:12 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • I never longed for my bio parents, I just longed to understand who I was and why everything happened the way it did. I grew up knowing my older half sister (my bio mother's FIL and second wife at the time adopted me and my adoptive father's FIRST wife had court ordered custody of my older sister) but I knew that I had a younger half sister that my bio mom still had custody of. About 8 years ago my bio mom found my older sister and through her, me. It answered a lot of questions for my sister, but I still have a lot of questions because the different father issue has created major difference between me and my sisters (older sister has always been very heavy, like BM, I've always been thinner, sister never been into sports, I've always loved sports, etc). I'd love to be able to find out who my birth father is just to see the family that influenced what kind of person I've become and what other traits I might have like them.

    Answer by armycoppertop at 10:41 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • no they didn't want me and I don't want them. To Hell with them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • No. They were abusive and neglectful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • My son was perfectable content with the mother who raised him (his aparents divorced when he was around 6). And yet, he asked the agency to search for me when he was nearly 32 years old. After we reunited, he told me that searching for me was always something he thought he would do. I doubt he would say that he "longed," for me, but he was curious and once he met me decided he wanted to know me.

    Answer by Southernroots at 4:21 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • My Adoption was finalized when I was 4 years old but my Adoptive Mom had me from the time I took my 1st breath. I have ALWAYS known who My Bio-Mother was and had contact with her and to this day I still have contact with her She has 2 other children that are now also grown. My Children even Call my Bio-Mom Grandma thats how close we for my Bio-Dad I don't know I never met him but according to the adoption Papers He passed away when I was 3. But as a child growing up I loved having 2 families. My adoptive Mom never kept anything from me if I had a question she answered it if she couldnt answer it then I'd ask my Bio-Mom cause those 2 were the onlys ones with the answers I needed. My Adoptive Mom Passed away in 2004 She was my world I luv her very much and still miss her to this day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Jun. 15, 2010