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good friend vs. moral friend

I have a friend who found out recently she was pregnant. She is a single mom with 2 kids ages 8 and 3. She is a para at an elementry school and doesn't make a lot of money. There is 2 possible dads and depending on how far along she is determines who the dad is. I am a Christian. She is catholic but doesn't practice. She is thinking of having an abortion. I am against abortions. I was raped and had a child becasue of that and I still didn't have an abortion. She wants me to take her to the appointment. She knows how I feel about the issue. I want to be her friend however I can't let her think that I am condoning what she is doing if I take her. To make matters worse I also just found out I am pregnant. I can't sit in a room of pregnant people knowing they are going to kill (in my opinion) their baby. I want to be a friend but I don't want to have her think I agree with what she is doing? Do I take her to the appointment or not

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (21)
  • Of course not, life is full of hard choises, this is one of them.

    I know it's not easy, but as a Christian, you'll have to stand your ground.

    I will pray for you to get thru this, and for her aswell...and I'm not just saying that :)

    Answer by Nynne at 9:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • If you feel it would go against what you believe in, a good friend would understand that. You can volunteer to perhaps babysit for her, to show you aren't trying to stop being there for her, but that you can't go to a place you are completely against.

    A true friend will respect your beliefs. Just as you have to respect hers. She knows how you feel, don't judge her or condemn her for it before or after.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 9:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • It's a very rough situation. I would pray about it. Seek His guidance... I really don't know what I would do. I would try to be her there for her. But if you can't handle the appointment, respectfully tell her so.

    Sorry I can't be more help

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • i say you know where you stand and unfortunaly you can not chage others minds. she will get it either way, so i say you support her, but not what she is doing and take her. when you leave give your tummy a big hug and be happy about your choice to keep your child alive

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Well if your only problem is not wanting her to think you are condoning what she's doing but still being her best friend.Which IMO if you did this you would be the best friend anyone could have! YOu can just tell her "Listen, I don't agree with what you're doing, but I will be your friend and go with you." If there are other problems like you're pregnant and sitting with women who (and it was awesome that you put in your opinion) in your opinion are "killing" their "babies" (I do not agree but you were respectful so i will be as well) then simply tell her that. Tell her that you will be there for her after it's done but you can not go with her. With how you worded your question I think either way you will show her respect and kindness and I think that is what she needs right now!

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 9:53 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • If you truly cared, you could set your beliefs aside, and realize that she needs someone... I simply couldn't abandon someone I cared about... IMO, doing so would be immoral, and goes against everything I believe in.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 9:55 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • You know, not all women who are in a women's clinic are there for abortions. Most will be there for free/cheap yearly check ups/paps.

    If you are secure in yourself, and secure in your faith, I would take her. She asked you to be there because she knows you are her friend. Yes, she knows you don't agree, but she also knows this is going to be hard and she's going to need a shoulder to cry on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Here's the thing - and I would give this answer regardless of whether the specific issue at hand was taking her to an abortion clinic or not -

    Friendship is a two way street. Yes, she's in a very tough situation, and yes, she needs a friend. But, at the same time, as YOUR friend, she shouldn't be asking you to do something that is so very much against everything you believe in. For example, I have no problem eating meat, but a very good friend of mine is Vegan. I would never insist that she buy me meat. I know it's not the same thing (the point is, it's something that is so morally wrong to her, I wouldn't want to put her in that predicament.)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:16 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Well, I can understand having to choose between your self and your loved ones. I have been faced with it many times over. Really what it comes down to is your respect for her and her respect for you. She knows your beliefs and asked anyways, that says that she either doesn't respect you & your beliefs OR that you are really her greatest friend and someone she sees as a great point of strength in her life. If I were you I would talk to her and find out which... Then make your choice.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:20 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • cont

    You can tell her that you love her, and you want to support her and be there for her, but this is just something you can't do. But, IF it's something that she does go through with, then you'll do whatever you can to help her afterward - bringing her dinner, taking her to follow up appointments, if she needs a sitter, etc.

    This is sort of along the lines of a pg crisis center my mil worked with for yrs. They would help with pre natal and parenting stuff, they would offer advice and counseling if you wanted to adopt (but would NOT refer to ANY agencies - they weren't representing or helping anyone but the mom and baby). They would NOT help with abortions - BUT - if you DID have one and had problems afterward, they had counseling services available to help you.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:20 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

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