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If your friend never came to any of your kids birthday parties, never showed up to any other parties you planned at your house, would you continue to go to hers?

She has 4 kids plus 2 step kids. I have 2 kids. I make a point to go to each and every one of thier birthday parties...and I never go empty handed either. Wether I'm tight for cash or not I find a way to get there. She will call me and text me everyday for 2 weeks befor ethe party to make sure I'm still coming.
Yet, she NEVER makes a point to come to any of my kids birthday parties. Her excuse? I live too far. WELL..WHAT THE HELL?! I live the same distance from her that she does from me and I still make it! duh! Its really starting to get under my skin. I love her, she's been my closest friend since we were in the 9th grade..and that was about 18 years ago.
I told my dh tonight that I'm not going to one more party of hers until she shows up to one of my kids.So I didnt go to her kids bday party last week and now she's mad at me!Can you believe that? grr. What would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on Jun. 14, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I have a friend JUST LIKE that !!! We've been bestfriends since we were 16 (now 39), but I am the one to come see her or call her, she will show up once in a blue moon, but I'll have to invite way in advance.......she never just drops by...(well, to be fair, for the past 11 yrs. we have lived in dif. countries, but she has only called me once in those 11 yrs......I'm the one to keep it going...

    I have decided to have a chat w/ her about it, and hopefully it changes, but if not, I'm gonna let her go....evedently I'm not that important to her, then...

    Answer by Nynne at 10:12 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Nope. I wldn't go to hers. Life is give and take.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • actually, i have a best friend - we've known eachother since we were born. she had her daughter and i flew from FL to NY to be at her baby shower, then when i moved home i of course was at her daughters first birthday and always stopped by when i could. when my son was born she moved an hour or so away and still to this day has never met him. i told her 3 months in advance about my sons first birthday and she didnt come. i was pretty disappointed and i told her that, and so no i will not go out of my way to see her or go to any parties anymore. i love her, but im not going to go out of my way anymore to continue this friendship and be apart of her and her daughters life, if shes not going to do the same for me and my son. i dont care how far away she lives or whats stopping her, i bet if i told her i had a million dollars waiting for her - she would of found a way - so i dont want to here any excuses either.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:08 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Been there & did what you did. Butttttttt.................. I really think the bigger thing is to be the bigger person & go for the purpose of the children & maybe using that oppurtunity to say to your friend how important it is to you to teach your children the value of NURTURING friendship that means a lot to you even when it might be hard or inconvienent & that if you don't it dies. Simplified "you reap what you sow". Now after all that wisdom, I hope you to be a better woman than I was. This is truly one of those times where easier said than done, simply because it hurts & we respond to it in anger. Best of luck to you.

    Answer by meme4x at 10:18 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • I've been on the opposite side. I had a friend that came to everything I hosted and would call all the time. I'd known her forever and felt obligated to invite her to things that I knew she'd hear about from other people, but quite honestly I no longer had much in common with her and because she could be clingy and annoying I actually hoped she's rsvp 'no'. In addition I never initiated phone calls or went to anything she hosted. I hate confrontation so this was my way of backing off from the friendship without being intentionally hurtful. It sounds like your friend is giving you a (not so) subtle hint and it may be time to accept that she has outgrown your friendship and accept that gracefully.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • My husband's entire family is like that. They all expect us to go to their house to hang out, go to their BBQ's, go to their family get togethers, their parites, or whatever else they're having. But the second we invite them to ours they don't make the single bit of effort. They all suddenly have plans regardless of how far in advance I invite everyone. To get them to RSVP is like pulling the teeth from a lion, I swear. It's a lack of respect right there. You can't expect people to attend your gatherings if you don't make an effort to attend theirs. Therefore, I've stopped going to their outings, their parites, their hang outs, their whatever.. because it's not fair to me to be shunned when I plan something, but be expected to show up when they plan something.

    So yes, you're right to stop going to her parties. If she's mad then you let her know why you stopped coming. Be honest, but stand your ground.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:20 PM on Jun. 14, 2010

  • Me and my husband both have families like that. My mom lives next door to me and won't come to anything we have. I have 5 grandchildren and she won't go to any of their birthday parties, even the couple of parties that we have held here at my house that was just next door to her. But on the other hand, she has another grandchild, my half-sister's child, and she goes to each and every one of her parties. And she expects me and my children and grandchildren to come to her parties. My pride and anger tells me otherwise, but i know to quit going to my niece's birthday parties would hurt my niece more than it would my mom. My mom's heart is hardened anyway. So i still go to my niece's parties every year. My mom is ruining her relationship with her great grandkids, by keeping her distance from them, but that don't mean i have to do my niece the same way. I have felt like not going to her parties before, but i went anyway.

    Answer by Honda309 at 7:01 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • cont'd.. My husband's family don't visit us, and we don't visit them except once a year at Christmas. But yet they make comments every Christmas like "don't wait til next Christmas to come back" and stuff like that. My husband don't call them much unless someone in his family is near death or something like that, because they don't call or visit him, and my own family don't visit, but they expect me to visit them. And my mom and her sister live next door to me, but they make no effort to come see me, they expect me to come down to their house, and i get tired of that.

    Answer by Honda309 at 7:04 AM on Jun. 15, 2010