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Does your hubby act strange when he gets home from work? how does he show you he cares about you?

does your man act like he misses you when he get home from work? does he still act like he appreciates you or is thankful that you all are still together? is he thankful for what he has and is he happy about being with you and the children? i ask this because mine just acts tired and irritated all the time, and im about had enough. he doesnt even act like we are important, he just wants us quiet and out of his hair until the rare occasion that he feels like playing with us. we sit in the living room while he plays his game or watches a movie and i usually jump on the computer and we just co-exist in the same space without touching or talking until its bed time and thats how he likes it. with little to no interaction with me. its driving me crazy and im almost ready to leave since we have discussed and even fought about this already before.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on Jun. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • He usually grabs me and kisses me and hugs me like we haven't seen each other for weeks. It's almost like desperation. I feel the same way about him. Maybe you should make a house rule that there is 1 hour every evening when all the games, pc, and tv are off.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:20 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • I usually get a kiss and a hug and "hi beautiful" when he gets home. We've been married almost 6 years.

    Has something changed? Does he have more stress at work, have ya'll been fighting about things? Are you in a good mood when he comes home? (Couples seem to feed off each others moods). Are you having financial issues that are weighing on both of you? It sounds like you need to talk to him, explain your feelings, and ask him about his.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:21 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • mine acts tired. He usually says "hi hun" and gives me a kiss but then he hits the couch and takes over the tv. Sometimes he has to go out to the garage and do extra work.

    I think that would be a stupid reason to leave. Do you work outside of the home? He is probably really stressed with work and just wants to come home and relax. You should give the man some space and let him breathe instead of begging for all his time when he has a second to sit.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:26 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • eh, mine has his good days and bad days with that,lol. He usually walks in the door and our daughter runs up to him, he picks her up gives her lovins,comes over to me give me a kiss and a hug and says hi. I can see on his face that he is exhausted. I usually tel him to go lay down for a little bit. If he takes an hour or two nap he is usually fine when he wakes up. If he doesn,t forget it. He is a total butthead.
    There have been times though that he has come home, greets our daughter, grunts at me and plops on the couch all grumpy like. I ignored it for about a week. Finally I went in front of him, waving my arms like an idiot saying "HELLO! YOU DO REMEMBER ME DON'T YOU? I DO STILL EXSIST!"..LOL. That woke his brain up. We talked after that. He makes a point now to at least acknowledge me everyday.I understand he needs extra rest sometimes and he understands I need some love.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:28 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Wow Shay, if that lifestyle works for you then great. But your needs and the dynamic of your marriage aren't for everyone. I don't think you should condemn this woman for her needs. Maybe she needs to approach it differently with your husband. OP instead of coming at him in anger and saying "why don't you ever spend time with us, you are always looking at the tv." Try coming at him from a tender, gentle place- some men respond to that more, say that you understand he has a need to relax and unwind after work and that you respect that but that you also have a need to feel loved and connected to your husband. Ask him if maybe you can come to a compromise, when he comes home from work he takes the length of one movie to relax and unwind and then spend 2 hours on family time. That time would be for playing games with you and the kids, reading stories, cuddling, etc. Tell him this is your need, to be physically connected and loved.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 9:47 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • He says hi but if I am asleep he leaves me alone. I am the grumpy one I work in a parking hut on the college campus I attend and on a good day I park between 500 800 people a day and on a slow day three hundred so all day long I am talking to people and hearing questions guiding people to other parking lots and answering questions for people who have not been on our campus its an awesome job but after sometimes its hard to come up with even hello. I make the effort though.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:48 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • OP- these are the types of splits that lead people's marriages down a bad path, sometimes leading to divorce. YOUR NEEDS are important and HIS NEEDS are important and you need to figure out how to meet those needs for each other. There is a book called HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS with a subtitle about avoiding affairs that might clarify this more for you. There are common needs for women and men but, of course, everyone is different and these vary from person to person. It is very common for a woman to need her husband to be affectionate and a present father and both are listed in the book. A "peaceful" after-work home environment for a man as well as sexual satisfaction are also listed for a man. Maybe you could sit down with your husband and ask him to list his top 5 needs from the marriage and you do the same, then exchange them and think about how you could each better meet them. It's not all about him not doing something right.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 9:52 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • why can't watching tv together mean spending time together? what exactly are you wanting from him?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:01 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • when my DH gets home form work, it is time for him to unwind, I usually give him a kiss, ask him about his day then let him take a long shower & crack a beer & relax alone. After about on hour or two, he is ready for some communication & affection. It takes a bit to get the work off of him. And during the summer, he is forced to endure super long hot days...so he has been pretty spent lstelu with the temps soaring around 100...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:44 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • DH comes in, gives me a kiss and a hug, then gives the kids a kiss and a hug. He sits with us for a few minutes and then goes to his computer. I let him play his games until dinner time, then he comes in and eats dinner with us. Then we watch a movie. After the movie we put the kids to bed and then we go to our computers until bedtime.

    Not an ideal situation, but it is a lot better then it used to be. He used to go to his computer from 6:00 pm until midnight, go to bed, then do it all over again the next day. So at least we're getting his attention. I had to fight and fight my husband before he realized that this was the last straw. I felt like his roommate and I was a single mom. It was ridiculous.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:04 AM on Jun. 15, 2010

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