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how do you stop your 20 yr old from feeling like he has the right to be critical and yell at those in the household?how do you end his sarcasm?without having to kick him out. how do you make him respect you?

my son is 20 and works 3rd shift, and my bf (9yrs) works at the same place 1st shift, so they bypass eachother to and from work. my son is currenly just finding new identity but is used to his school act of finding popularity with sarcasm to the other kids. now he is working with older guys older than myself who have been to jail several times for drugs. On the weekend my son is easy to get along with for the most part. a lil sarcasm humor doesnt bother me. but just when i think things are great, weeks of laughing and wrestling and stuff, he pulls out of the blue that he is talking mean about my bf at work. then mon-wed he is mouthy, tells me its none of my business in a normal conversation he sparks with mean words,then walks out the door to go to work. but on the wknds when he needs rides to cash his checks n spend his money he is nice as can be. how can i change this behavior without living separately?


Asked by summerdawn3 at 1:29 PM on Jun. 15, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (18 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Tell him he is an adult now and needs to act like it rather than acting like he has to prove himself superior by putting somebody else down. He is just putting on a show to prove he isn't low man on the totem pole.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Well, seems like you've let his behavior go on for a while now and it's just escalated. He's 20, not 5. This just didn't develop overnight. I think it'd be kind of hard to change his behavior, but I would have a long talk. I think it's time that he explore his own individuality. Maybe moving out wouldn't be such a bad thing, he'd probably realize how good he has it living at home.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • I dunno,boot in the ass? Tell him to clean up his act or he can take it elsewhere.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:34 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • At 20, it will be hard because 20 year olds know everything. I would stop giving him the rides,nice or not...tell him your busy. HE can walk or take a bus. You can hand him a tent and tell him to sleep in the backyard until he starts acting like a gentleman in your house,in your presence and to everyone else in the household as well. You are doing him a favor by letting him still live with you.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:34 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Honestly, he is 20 yrs old and not in school, you should probably push him out of the 'nest' anyhow. But if you don't want to, I would sit him down and explain to him that he is an adult now and can act however he wants, so long as he had his own home. Tell him this is my house and this is how you will treat me, if you don't like it, your welcome to move out. GL

    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 1:35 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • we will be making a move sometime later this year to relocate, til then we all have to live together and the place will become his.meanwhile he pays half the bills with us. i could cut out the rides on the weekends and be a lil more stern, but i want to avoid having the debate and arguing because it can escalate and turn ugly. i am trying to avoid that from happening.

    Answer by summerdawn3 at 1:37 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Having the same problem here.But she is 24.and doesn't help at home and spends her money on partying.I recently told her she had to start paying rent.And whole $200 a month and she got offended.Either she will pay it or find somewhere else to live.I think you will have to do something similar.It isn;t easy.

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:38 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • also, my son has only been living with me for the past year. we were separated for 13 yrs and i am sort of feeling attatched to his presence because i have missed him for so long. i am not making excuses for the situation, just trying to add more to help understand where i come from a little more. is there anything i can say to him to make him change his attitude?

    Answer by summerdawn3 at 1:39 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Ok. If he is 20, he will not listen to you at all. At 20 he thinks that the world owe him something because he live to see it. Sounds like he has a good job and he needs to be around more children his age that is less fortunate then he is. Let him go...and have roommates. Since he is not in school he needs to deal with the real world on his time and not his parent world. I am a 23 year old female and I would never act that way in my parents household. I agree with other ppl on here as well...CUT HIM more rides to check cashing spot, mall and anywhere else. Make him pay bills since he wants to act as though he is grown then he needs to pay bills as though he is grown. You can also talk to him too...but make the conversation about him progressing in life. Talk to him about him getting a car, roommates that are working or in school, or other things that is interesting to him.

    Answer by mom42107 at 2:14 PM on Jun. 15, 2010