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SAHMs what would your response be if your hubby said he didnt want to pay the bills anymore (like seriously!)

my hubby is all moody and tired like ALL the time, and he is always stressed out bc of money. we make ends meet, we pay all our bills and have money left over, some goes into savings and we have a small amount stashed there, and some months, it get kind of tight between checks (without touching savings at all) and he complains about not wanting to pay the bills, how he wants to have money to buy and do other things (like buy himself a car since we have one that we split payments on). we are both young, im 26 but he will be 23 next month, and he said earlier that he had gotten himself into this (moving in and paying bills) before he was ready for it and now he is dealing with it. we have been living together 3 years, and after the first year he has be paying most the bills since i became a sahm in my 5th month of pregnancy with my second. now he talks of us moving back in with our parents so he can save more money temporarily?!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Jun. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • Oh boy. Good Luck. :(
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:55 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Wow. Sounds like you got a bad egg. Sounds like you better find a way to take care of yourself and your 2 children on your own because that man isn't going to be around long. He thinks he made a mistake getting married and having kids. Sorry to say it but a man who wanted a family would never say anything like that. Find someone to watch your kids, or put them in daycare and get a good job and start saving now or you will be stuck with your parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • It sounds like he is tired of shouldering all the responsibility by being the only one working and bringing money in to pay the bills. Have you considered helping him out by going out and getting a job? Even a part-time job might help him feel like the burden is not all his alone to carry. As for child-care, find a job that you can flex your hours, or work around his schedule-- that way one of you is home with the children while the other is out earning a living. (that is what my SO and I do)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • compromise. i would ask my husband to watch the kids a few hours a day so i could work part time.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 3:05 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • i know that feeling - it's like what the hell am i trying so damn hard for just to struggle and pay bills... my husband and i have been struggling financially a long time and we have no savings, and maybe others will disagree, but i feel like life is worth living and you never know what's coming next. on one hand that's a reason to have a backup plan and savings. on the other hand, we find it important that we work toward something we enjoy. we don't get too crazy but we will go out to dinner here and there, buy crap we want instead of need, etc. for the past 7 months we have found an easy way to get a little cash for spending is selling stuff on ebay. most of that we need for bills now since i lost my job, but life is stressful enough without being able to spend a little on something fun once in a while. we do lots of free stuff of course, but really if you can find a way to compromise on this it will be good.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:06 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • You can't go backwards and expect to get anywhere. Tell him to suck it up and grow up! If you can,get a PT job. I'm guessing that he'll still have the same attitude though even if you do work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • I'd get a job that allowed me to either work at home, or work around my hubs schedule-- that way we would not need to pay daycare cause one of us would be home with the kids. I would also sit him down and work out a monthly budget and find ways to cut back on expenses. Cut out 'extras' (things we don't need) and buy only what is needed. Where there is a will, there is a way!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:09 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • Wow- this world is changing, what happened to the *man* who takes care of his family (works 2 jobs if have to) and the Mom stays home for some time to take care of her young children? This is what I did - this is my second marriage-learned alot from the first. I made sure EVERYTHING -except the HOUSE was in his name,all bills,credit cards, I own my car-his-( has his name on it),,,,if he had one of those thoughts that he didn't want to be here any longer,or pay anything,I stay at home-they will go after him/ not me and I can sell my house(house is only in my name). while I walk-he is stuck with paying *all* the bills.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • OP HERE - SO I DO HAVE A PT JOB have had one for 2 years (forgot to add that) but its at a grocery store so its not like im bringing in big bucks i barely make over min. wage and only work 2/3 days a week. i DO help with the bills, i pay for internet, water, and food. he pays the rent, light bill, and 1/2 the car payment (my mom takes care of the other half since its still hers/mine). also he rarely has to give me money for other things like toilet paper, cleaning stuff, soap, shampoo etc. so i really am starting to think that he doesnt want to be here, but he doesnt want to split the family up either. but i dont want him if he is going to act like he would rather be somewhere else doing other things! i want him to be happy, and he doesnt act like it now and im helping all i can! we cant afford daycare. i have another job offer for an office but the position wont be open for a few months and even then im not sure what to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

  • I'm all for being a stay at home mom, but if your can't afford it your going to have to work. If moving in with someone will help take the preasure off do it. If there is a time after the baby comes that you can work opposite hours from him so someone is home with the kids do that. Financial problems is a huge reason why marriages fail. I would try to get a handle on it as soon as possible. Make sure you pay off all your debts first and then you will have money for extra stuff later on. Check out David Ramsey's website for tips on how to get yourself on the right track. http://www.daveramsey.com/


     

    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 3:22 PM on Jun. 15, 2010

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