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Divorce

I just got married June 12th. And we we're talking about divorce last noght LOL not in the bad way, just that we thought what would be the pouint of going through all the hurt, and anger, rather than just working it out? wouldnt that be much easier? I understand if a husband cheats and hes forgiven and keeps doing it, that would be unacceptable. But for some who just divorce over small things. Why? lol. If you've been divorced, let me know youre story, and why it was better to get divorced than work it out?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • To me divorce is reserved for when you have tried everything you can and went to the end of the world to make it work. But I don't judge those that choose divorce. It is their life and how would I know what it was like in their marriage to cause the divorce. People are good at hiding things in a marriage. I divorced my first cause he lied all the time. About everything and I couldn't trust him. I still feel love for him and we are good friends. But he is still a liar to this day.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:07 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • i think you can try and work it out if both people are willing to work. if only one is trying to make it work, then its not going to happen. i wouldnt even forgive cheating once, thats an immediate divorce for me.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:52 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • so your newly married and the world is perfect....2 yrs down the road things will have changed and you will see the marriage as not so perfect...either you work on the problems together and not be swayed by other people who tell you things that may make you want to get a divorce or be swayed by the oppisite sex to leave your spouse.

    what works is focusing on the partner you are commited with and sticking through the thick and the thin. There have been times where I hated my husband and some old guy friend will come along and tell me to leave my husband that they can treat me better...ummm no...going in another direction does not make things better...working things out in the marriage makes things better.
    The only time to leave and divorce if there is a cheating spouse or abuse of any kind. Never scream or argue or name call. mature adults will talk about what is going on without raised voices.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I've been married for a little over a year and in just one year we've talked about divorce 3 times....we've worked it out but sometimes it just gets rough and one disagreement will turn into an argument and then that will turn into a fight and we find ourselfs not being able to speka without fighting....unfortunately this is the way things go...some people just find that what made them happy at one point no longer makes them happy...I've talked to alot of people that have been married for over 20 years and there secret is being able to adjust to each others changes. Everybody changes....it's just adjusting to and accepting the change. Some people can do it some people can't.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 3:12 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I was married for 12 years. My ex was extremely controlling, told me all the time everything I did wrong, made sure I had no access to money, I was not "allowed" to work, etc. We went to marriage counseling and he basically said "this is who I am, I'm not changing, live with it". You can't make a marriage work unless both partners are willing.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:23 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • he was a drug addict who refused to get help... I know I know but I honestly did think that he would change
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 9:25 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • It's naive to say that in my opinion. I was never an advocate for divorce myself and thought on the lines you do about working things out...but in the real world, sometimes things can't be worked out.

    For my story, my husband seemed to be quite happy go lucky when we met and up until we had our son 1 year after we got married. All this time, people would tell me how they never thought he'd ever get married, his mother THANKED me for marrying him (which I thought was odd) and my husband (STBX) had a huge chip on his shoulder with his siblings because he didn't have the things they did (marriage, friends, money). However, after our son was a year old, I started to notice how extremely negative my husband was and how all the things we agreed on and said we wanted he no longer wanted. We wanted more kids...he said he'd get a vasectomy the day we got home from the hospital with my son. CONTINUED BELOW...
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:10 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • At 1 in his crib crying, I heard my husband tell my son 'F*** You' and I was livid. This was the start of things to come but I didn't realize it then. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive to our son and my little man would start fighting him back - at 3! And he would tell me things that happened with daddy when I was at work; he'd make sure to say that I wasn't home so I knew. I felt horrible for him. I had many talks with hubby about getting help, counseling. Tried to not blame and made it that we could do it all together and even parenting classes. But there were many other underlying resentments he had toward me I found out later. He resented our son because he had my attention mostly and I was taking care of him. Yet he wasn't all that interested in it when I asked him to do things a lot! He also didn't like that I made more money than him, and that I had friends - that I barely saw because he would...
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:13 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • ...accuse me of cheating if I went out with a friend for dinner or shopping (lady friends here). When he kept saying no and there are no issues, I knew I had to decide what to do. I was in mental anguish every day, all day for a year and a half over this. I decided to tell him I was divorcing him and he had to move because I was advised to keep our son in his current environment. He has this thing where he seems to use my son to be able to have me around or ingratiate himself around me - needy love. I just found out the other day he has hopes we'll get back together and I had a talk with him about being comfortable with my decision and that won't happen. I don't know if the guy I met or the guy he was for the last 4 years is the real him. But from what I hear and see, I have a feeling it's the latter - it's just who he is. And we don't mesh well and I'm happier with myself now. My son's ok and it is what it is.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:16 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Everyones relationship is different. You are newly married, people change, come back in 12 yrs when you have some experience to speak of. You cannot honestly say that you will just work it out. I wish you luck, I hope when times are hard you do work it out. But don't look down on those who have troubles they can't work out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

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