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Dumbest. Question. Ever.

Here's the situation. My husband is very much a "giver" when it comes to our sex life. I asked him about more "him-centered" activities and he indicated that he doesn't enjoy blowjobs and handjobs so much, certainly not as much as he enjoys our current sexual menu. But I'm left with the feeling that I should at least make some kind of attempt in that direction once in a while, if only for variety, but any time I do, he just lies there silent and not moving and not seeming to really enjoy things. Should I:
a) Talk with him again?
b) Keep trying every so often?
c) Stop making attempts altogether?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:12 AM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Its hard to answer that without knowing what kind of a guy your husband is...if he is very open about his feelings with you then i would do what he said he wants. If you have a hard time "figuring him out" I would say to just try different things and see what he does.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • If he is not enjoying what you are doing, then quit doing it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • It could be that he is enjoying it but doesn't make any actions to tell you. Is he still hard when you are doing these things? If so, then he is enjoying it. My ex wouldn't make a sound and I always thought he was asleep and I would get mad. He just told me that he was laying back and enjoying the experience.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:08 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Maybe you could try something like this - when you aren't having sex, but things are calm and intimate, like maybe when you're just snuggled up together or something like that.... Then, in a calm and loving way, you could maybe say something to him like "I love when we make love. You make me feel so incredible, and I'm so lucky to be with you. But sometimes I feel selfish, because I would like to make you feel as incredible as you make me feel. In fact, I get excited and turned on just thinking about getting to drive you crazy, too.... So maybe some night you could tell me what you like, and I can get to drive you crazy, but how YOU like it... "

    It sounds like he might not feel entirely comfortable with the whole giving up control thing - if you're more the instigator, then he's not running the show, to so speak. This way, you're more involved, learning what he likes, and he's still able to be in control...

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:41 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I think you should listen to what your husband is telling you. I also think you should ask yourself why you think that you need to do something "more" when your husband clearly doesn't want it. Where is that idea coming from?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I THINK YOU SHOULD GOOGLE OR LEARN NEW SEX IDEAS THAT WWOULD MAKE HIM ENJOY BLOWJOBS DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT LIKE GOGGLE WITH LISTERINE MITN BEFORE YOU DO I.EAT A COUGH DROP DON'T LET HIM KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING ALL HE NEED TO DO IS SIT AND ENJOY THE FEELING.I'M NOT TRYING TO BE SO PORNOGRAPHIC BUT DO YOU GIVE MORE THEN JUST HIS PENIS THE ATTENTION YOU WOULD HAVE TO TRY TO EXPLORE MORE THEN JUST THAT INVOLVE HIS TESTICLES
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I think he answered your question. He said he doesn't like it so I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't feel guilty. You are already giving him what he does like. Just take satisfaction in that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:18 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Yeah, I'd stop it all together. My ex really got pleasure out of pleasing me and didn't really want me to do that much to him, so I stopped.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:04 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Maybe he really doesn't like it, and there is a reason behind that. Either you aren't good at it and he doesn't want to tell you, or something traumatic happened, and caused him to not like it all together. Either way, maybe you should drop it for now before you don't get any for a while.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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