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i am a single mother of 3 and my childrens father was recently incarcerated, should i expose my kids to this and allow them to see him?

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arrogantmom3

Asked by arrogantmom3 at 8:44 AM on Jun. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (14)
  • I Think no one should help yu with this question. You are a mother.. you have to weigh the emotional issues out b/w seeing him or not seeing him like that. Then how long does he have in prison... what were his charges. i feel Myself as a mother It would depend on what the charges are and I would explain to my child that where daddy is is not ok ! I think the problem with parents some times is they dont expain and arent honest with their kids about things. So go with what you feel deep down inside... Those are your babies and that is their father and he has right also!! we all make mistakes, some small and some big.....
    deverrick

    Answer by deverrick at 9:02 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I would not take them there for visits. But I would allow letters back and forth or phone calls.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • i dont think i would take them to see him. i would talk to them about it if they are older but i think it would be hard for them to see him in jail. i always think of things as if i was the child what would i want. and i dont think i could ever see my dad in jail.
    conn30

    Answer by conn30 at 9:17 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Well I'm in the same boat although he is not my ex we are still together! Anyway, if they want to see their dad then by all means take them! My step sons mom and I fully intend on taking the kids to see their daddy. He just went in yesterday and just called so I'm kind of sad lol.Not sad that he called but sad he's there!
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 9:31 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Growing up, my dad was in jail 18 of 23 years of my life now. My mom took me when I was younger, I remember, but then told me that she would only take me if I asked. I always forgot to ask, because he wasn't that big of a part of my life to begin with. In March of 2008, 3 months before release of an 11-year sentence, I went to visit him.

    It was uncomfortable, and disgusting. I WANTED to know him, WANTED to see him, WANTED to go. Once I was there, I quickly changed my mind, and told myself, if the father of MY children ever went to jail, they would NOT see him. There was a small playground and toys at the visiting hall, and the children seemed to be happy and playing. They weren't paying attention to Daddy much at all. Mommy wanted to talk with Daddy, so the kids were sent to play. It is NOT a daycare center, and I don't want my kids thinking later on that if they have kids and they go to jail, they'll still get to see
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 9:38 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • them, so it's not that big of a deal. I was so scared for those children, who KNOWS what other kinds of crimes were committed by the other people in the room, and no way would I want to surround my children with scum. (Not saying their father is, but others, sure to be there)

    I am so thankful, even though my mom and I never got along, and still have a terrible and divided relationship, I am glad she made the same decision to NOT raise me INSIDE the prison system. That way, the first time I went to visit, I was 21, and I could see the razor wire that held them in was there for an obvious reason. I had my pockets checked, had to give up all money and keys, phone, etc. So I truly realized how big of a deal this really was, and could fully understand their measures.

    Again, I wouldn't take my kids, and that's why. But this decision is totally up to you and what you feel in YOUR heart is right.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 9:42 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I know my DH would NEVER want me to expose my kids to jail/prison if he were in there. It would be too hard on him, and we would not want to let our children have a place like that associated with their father. Gladly, he has never been in jail, but if we were in your shoes...NO we would not allow them for jail visits. If you are not with this man anyway, just wait til he is out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • yes, jail or no jail the dad still deserves to see his children, unless that is he's in there for something against you and children, then use common sense. if he requests not to, then dont go against his wishes, but i doubt any dad would want to go without his children for any length of time if he really cared about them at all.
    myangelnevaeh

    Answer by myangelnevaeh at 10:41 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I wouldn't take my kids to prison to see their jailbird father. He should have thought about his relationship with his kids before he decided to commit a crime.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I wouldn't. It would not even depend on the charges. Those places are completely awful and no place for children. As for the father having rights, a phrase that gets thrown around way too often and on the wrong things, he should have thought of that before he did whatever he did to go to prison. A real man and a real father would just settle for phone calls and letters. He would not want his children to see him there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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