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Ex's new wife....

Ok, this is an interesting situation, and I would like some input on how to react to it. Ok, to start off, my ex husband and I spit after being married just a short while because he couldn't stay away from a few extra girlfriends, I knew who they were after the fact, but suspected that he was cheating, I kicked him out and he swore he'd never divorce me. Fast forward about a year, he met a girl I grew up with, fell in love with her, cleaned up his act and FINALLY gave me my divorce (kind of like a christmas present actually) and because I was finally divorced I started dating again and met the man who is now my husband and the father of my beautiful little princess. Here's the situation, she (ex's new wife) recently became friends on facebook after about two years of no contact, keep in mind that we grew up together. I've been told that she avoided contact with me because of the issues with my ex husband, HOWEVER (continued)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • If it were me I'd talk to her and get everything out in the open. Tell her that you appreciated her friendship and support - that it meant a lot to you and you would like to keep a friendship with her. I would also let her know that the past is the past (meaning the marriage with ex) and that you are glad both you and ex have moved on, met other people and have happy lives. I would let her know that you love your current husband very much and have a great life.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:18 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • (cont.) She was NOT with him while we were together, they started dating, and eventually got engaged AFTER we were separated, so she's not the reason we split. Here's the thing, I would like to build the friendship we had as kids back, to be honest, she's the best thing that ever happened to my first marriage (as she is the one who finally convinced him to let me have the divorce I had been pushing for) and I feel like she's part of the reason I was able to meet my current husband. How would you ladies go about rebuilding a friendship after so many years and...we'll say "transferring" a husband... Keep in mind, I've never been mad at her for being with him, he and I were long gone when she started her relationship with him, AND she encouraged our divorce which I had been pushing for (a whole other story there) And because we were friends growing up I'd like to be friends again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • It's... easy. Just start talking to her. A friendship will never truly die, you'll grow apart, but, especially childhood friendships have a special bond. Meet up for a lunch. Just start chatting back and forth on FB.
    Reminisce together and see if your interests are still similar. Etc, etc.
    ManicMomma02

    Answer by ManicMomma02 at 10:41 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Just take it slow,, now that being said,, it might be weird to build a couple's friendship,, just invite her out to lunch and tell her how much you have missed her friendship,, but I would keep it between you and her. If she begins to have trouble in her marriage,, you must not engage in gossip about former hubby! Good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:42 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • OP here- The reason I ask is, during a conversation with a mutual friend I was informed that she(the new wife) was worried that I would be angry with her for marrying my ex-husband, and was worried that if she tried to rekindle our friendship that I would "freak out" on her. I am so far from angry that's it's silly, I was thrilled when I found out they were together (the ex was a little clingy after we split, thus the refusal to divorce) he went from being a cheating POS to a decent husband to her and a good father to her son, this left me free to be with the man I'm married to now who has been a wonderful husband and an incredible father. So how do I let her know that I was never angry with her, will not be angry with her, and would, in fact, like to rebuild our friendship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • OP here- I never thought of doing lunch, we live in different towns now, but she's in the town my family lives is, so I do visit every so often, I like that idea. and kimigogo, you're right, the gossip about the ex would probably be a disaster, lol, they live in a small town and I know that his family would blow a gasket and make me the crazy ex trying to ruin their marriage if they started having problems.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Just start talking to her. If you are wanting to be her friend just do it! I don't see what the trouble is? Be frank with her. Tell her how you feel, and she will feel better.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:27 AM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Well, if she reached out to you then she opened the door- even if just on Facebook. I would just tell her that you don't want things to be awkward between you and that there are no hard feelings on your side, that you have nothing to have hard feelings about and that you are open to reconnecting with her.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:34 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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