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DH not wanting to be intimate..

We've been out of the "honeymoon" stage for like three years, but have had pretty healthy sex life since then, usually two to five times a week. But he works a weird schedule, and I always work the same hours and have to get up early. So for the last month or so we have only done it about three times the entire month. I know a lot of it is that he stays up at night and we work opposite shifts a lot, and he is tired when I'm awake and I'm awake when he is tired.

But I can't help but think there is more to it than just that. Am I doing something wrong? Is he just not attracted to me any more? Is there someone else? etc. I know I am probably just reading more into it than there is, and I don't actually think he is cheating on me, I just can't shake the feeling that there is more to it than he is just tired.

I've tried talking to him about it and he just tells me he is tired, or he doesn't "feel like it right now."

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Op here: Also, I thought I would point out we only have one child, she is two so it isn't like we have a brand new baby. And none of his other behavior is any different. He still tells me he loves me, hugs, kisses, etc. like he always has.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Jun. 16, 2010


    Answer by THATSMYMOMMA at 12:31 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • i wouldnt worry, more than likely it is just him being tired, but do like the pp said andget some sexy lingerie and try new things when you do have sex, seeif this helps, but wow 5 times a week is alot! lol but 3 times a month also isnt "bad".

    Answer by mywonderyears at 12:46 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • well hon i have been in your situation for a few months and have come to realize that its not me, its the job. mine is tired all the time, and ill bc he hates his job and it causes him a lot of stress. and he is just not mentally in the state to have sex. he is always worried about things at his job or bills, etc. so lots of times we just have to be patient. i wouldnt ask him anything else, i would sit down beside him and just tell him, how you feel a little lonely and you understand that he is tired but you would like a little more lovin! if that doesnt work then start sleeping naked lol

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 12:53 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I think your reading to much into it. and you answered your own question >> I know a lot of it is that he stays up at night and we work opposite shifts a lot, and he is tired when I'm awake and I'm awake when he is tired<<< Just try to make time for eachother. I know that sounds hard, and it is, but do what you can. Even if it is hidden notes or texting. good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • He's tired or just doesn't feel like it at that moment. Men say what they mean.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 1:07 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I see that as a challenge. I don't think he's cheating but then again I don't know him. Let's just assume he is not cheating. Now see what you do have as opportunities to play. Hone in on a time and ambush him! I'd get a sitter or wait until the child is asleep and do something you've never done before, something he'd never think you'd do. Just be out of character whether it is wearing a different color wig or temp tattoos or xena princess warrior outfit and a whip! Woo Hoo! Just have fun. Entice him. Seduce him. Do not get frustrated if he doesn't react the first time you try. Some men don't like aggressive women but keep doing things to tease him then let him think it's his idea to rock your world. Gosh I love being a woman!

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:05 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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