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my mom is a cigarette smoker and I don't want it around my baby..

I'm almost to my due date and I recently had a conversation with my mother about her smoking. I had to tell her that she's not allowed to be anywhere near me or the baby while smoking. I also asked her to cut back (because she smokes a cigarette every half an hour) and told her she will need to wash her hands and change her shirt after smoking if she wants to hold my baby.
She took it really badly and now she's not speaking to me. She said I hurt her and that I'm putting stipulations on her seeing my baby.
I haven't done anything wrong right? It's my right to tell her what I expect concerning my own child. She's being very selfish and childish and I don't really know what to tell her.
The whole reason I had to have that conversation with her is because last week I was in the car with her and she lit a cigarette! I was blown away that she would even think to do that with me in the car...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (16)
  • stick to your guns, you don't need your baby around that!

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 12:13 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • tell her to stop or u wont take your babby around her !

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I am a smoker. I have two kids and have never smoked around my kids and in fact, where I live it is illegal to smoke in a car with a minor as a passenger. I and my husband smoke outside. However, the hand washing and changing of the shirt is a little much.

    Answer by Lovelylise at 12:16 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • In your home you have a right to say what you want, and tell me people no smoking in your home. It is your moms car, and home then you can't prevent it.

    My advice to you is tell your mom to visit your home, don't go in her car. Good luck!!! You can't change your mom. You can control the situation and what your child is exposed too.

    Smoking is like a drug, it is very difficult for people to stop, You have no right to tell your mother to cut down smoking what she does is her business.

    Answer by KFree907 at 12:16 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Well, I can understand why your mother got upset. It's one thing to ask her to smoke outside away from your child but it's another to demand that she cut back, change her shirt and wash her hands. Personally I would tell you that I have no problem smoking away from your child, but if you think changing my shirt and washing my hands is going to help, your crazy. I would also tell you that you have no right to tell me how much I can smoke.

    In all honesty, washing her hands and changing her shirt isn't going to do much. She'd have to shower and change her clothes completely. I think you are be just a little too demanding and that you need to comprimise with your mother, not require. IMO


    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 12:17 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I understand you completely! As far as the hand washing - I ask ALL people that hold my baby to wash their hands before they pick them up, particularly in the first few weeks. That's just common sense to keep as many germs away from baby as possible. I wouldn't want the 2nd/3rd hand smoke from her shirt around my baby either - the babies head will most likely be snuggled up against her shirt when she's holding him/her. You can apologize to her for the way it came across, but share with her some information about how it can affect babies and hopefully she will come around.

    Answer by missanc at 12:21 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • i think you are well within your rights as a mother to protect your baby's health, and ALL of your requests are reasonable, imo.

    Of course you don't want your baby to be exposed to smoke in the air, OR the residue that YOU KNOW is on your mom's hands and the shirt she will be holding your baby against. i can see that you want her to cut back on her smoking so maybe she will be in your child's life longer. My mom died at age 54---every one of her ailments was related to her cigarette smoking.

    Stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you that you are crazy for asking what you are asking.

    Answer by inkydorei at 12:24 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Why would anyone want to smoke in front of children or non-smokers. There is so much negativity about smoking. What if your shild has a breathing disorder. A precious infant only has you to protect him. Sorry grandma you should want to not smoke in front of your grandchild. Good luck new mom. You will have many issues with your mother is she continues this attitude, hope she gets over it soon.

    Answer by debbydebit at 12:50 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Inhalation of cigarette smoke can cause SIDS in infants. That right there is the best reason I can think of that your mom HAS to smoke away from the baby. I personally agree with the hand washing, too, because those chemicals stay on the fingers after smoking and especially when babies are so little and people are so prone to touch them on the face, near the mouth and nose, etc, you don't want their little bodies ingesting those chemicals. Explain to your mom that you aren't judging her, she is a grown woman and certainly can make the choice to be a smoker, but when it comes to the baby things have changed a bit and of course you both want the best for the little one. Incidentally, your mother won't be happy to hear this, but they have now discovered third hand smoke which is the layer of chemicals on carpet, furniture, etc in a smoker's home and that gets ingested by little ones crawling on the floor, etc as well. Good luck!

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:55 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • However, the hand washing and changing of the shirt is a little much.

    Umm, no it is not. She doesn't want her baby to smell like an ashtray. She certainly doesn't want nasty nicotine hands on her baby. My husband smokes and I told him he couldn't hold his own children if he smelled like smoke clothes, hands or breath.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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