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Do you have adult children that either refuse to talk to you or are just distant from you for whatever reason?

How does it make you feel? Why do you think they choose to not speak with you? What have you done to strengthen your relationship with them?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (9)
  • I'm on the other end of it.. I'm a grown child who refuses to speak to my mother. She left when we were little and did nothing to help raise us. In my mind, she isn't even my mother. She'll call occasionally, but I just don't answer and if she leaves a message I don't return it. She decided she didn't want to raise me, and now she wants to be buddy buddy and wants to be part of my childs' life.. Sorry, not gonna happen.

    If you've done nothing wrong, just try talking to your child(ren) about the reasons they act that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I was also on the other side of it... My Mom and I were roommates in a Townhouse... I mean 50/50 on the bills... she moved her creepy boyfriend in, gave him keys and everything & expected me to just deal & still pay half of everything. I said no f'en way & moved out immediately (this guy was a creep, I won't even get into it all - but trust me you won't have wanted to sleep in the same house as this dude). Needless to say I didn't talk to her for about 9 yrs. She never called me, so I didn't bother to try either. I decided to be the adult & invited her to my wedding. She picked a creep she ended up divorcing for lots of creepiness over her child... I still don't fully trust her, but we do talk now & she see my kids. I would've talked to her all along if she had called & apologized. I was a full time college student working full time when she did this to me. But, she thought she could get away with it b/c she was my mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • There are a number of reasons why adult children distance themselves from their parents. Some children are simply so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't call or visit a lot. Sometimes a your adult children will do this when you put too much pressure on them. For example, they feel like they are being judged because they make decisions you disagree with or there is so much pressure to call or visit, that it causes them to push away. Some parents make their kids feel bad for not calling or visiting. This kind of control can often lead to a severed relationship. You need to be open armed and respect their decisions. A no pressure kind of relationship is better and makes kids more open to visits and communication. Hope this helps :)
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 1:47 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Yup. I have a son who has not spoken to me in over ten years but won't tell me why. We were close until he married his now x but she still lives with him. I can only guess it has something to do with her but he's an adult. He can choose what he wants. I gave him all I had to give and taught him all I know so he could be a responsible adult. I always check up on him through other family members and proud to say he has done well in life. I'm ok with that. They have to fly the coop some time. We can only make sure they have the tools and skills to survive once they are gone. Don't take it personally if they want to live their own life without involvement from us. It just means we did such a great job they don't need us anymore. It's all good.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:54 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I am also on the other end of it. I've never had a close relationship with my mother, and now that I have a child of my own, I find myself resenting her more and more. My mother had 5 children she didn't want and let us know on a daily basis that we had ruined her life. She was physically abusive, as well as emotionally, especially to my oldest sister. I know that people can't blame their parents for everything, buy I can't help wondering if all of my sisters would be more emotionally healthy if we had had a different mother. She was a hateful person when we were children, and she continues to be a hateful person.
    MomMom23

    Answer by MomMom23 at 2:00 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Parents seem to think they can treat their kids anyway they want. Most kids don't walk away without a good reason.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • My son, his girlfriend and their little girl were living in a cockroach infested apartment in a bad neighborhood so I let them move in with us. I told him they needed to help with food and bills and also housework and dishes things like that. They lived with us for about 3 months and would not help with anything including housework. I was working crazy overtime trying to support all of us while my son sat home playing video games. I finally ended up in hospital from stress and exhaustion. I told my son they needed to help out or get out. He decided they would leave right then and there and have not spoken to us since. He says its because I put them out with no where to go for no good reason. He also told me that since I am his parent I should be supporting him for as long as he needs me to. He was 24 at the time and I still had 2 kids at home under 18. If he doesnt want to talk to me thats fine but I did what needed to be done
    sugabug001

    Answer by sugabug001 at 2:18 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • My daughter is 30 but she was living with her boyfriend for 5 yrs but also together for another 5 yrs...married 2 and now divorce...she lived with us for 3 weeks and moved to Calif...since Sept....she only calls once a week but only talks for 5 mins...she really doesn't know on what to say to us...she did come home for Thanksgiving, Easter and last week she surprised us and stayed a week...my husband my son and myself are still so upset on her moving away like this...and we thought we had a great relationship with her...hopefully someday she will come back ...she doesn't have any kids!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • My oldest two sons are somewhat distant. I don't really know why, except that their dad could have contributed to this somehow. They were shown him taking me for granted for many years. So now they put me on a back burner and give me some attention only when they want to. I was very ill about 5 years ago and in a hospital for two months. During that time they were very neglectful.

    I have decided that karma will repay them. That when they are older something bad will happen to them and they will be forced to look at their own actions about how they treated their only mother.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 11:01 AM on Jul. 5, 2010

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