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My friends reaction to me and dh wanting a third baby, would you feel this way?

She is my age, and NEVER wants kids. She is very smart and it would just "slow her down" and in her opinion kids are just an annoyance.

She came over a few weeks ago and saw a baby name book on my table and held it up and asked me "what is this" in a your kidding sort of manner. had this "your stupid" look on her face.

I told her we were trying (little did I know I was pregnant at the time) her eyes bugged out and she just shook her head.

It pissed me off and I withdrew into myself and soon after she left.

I am NOT GOING to call her to tell her I am pregnant, why would I she doesnt care, she thinks I am crazy.

My DH thinks I am being to hard on her, that I knew HOW she was before. B/c we have been friends for 13 years.

I think she does not deserve to know. And if she should find out, either by stopping by or hearing it from someone else. I will say "well I figured you didnt care anyways"

Am

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I disagree with your decision not to tell your friend. If you've been friends for a long time, she may be hurt that you didn't want to tell her. Just because she thinks women are "crazy" for having babies doesn't mean that she wouldn't be happy for you. How does it affect her that you are having a baby anyway?
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 2:12 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • First congrats second let it go and if it comes up then tell her but do not go out of your way to tell her.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:13 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • wow, that must have hurt
    she is who she is
    you must have other things in common
    but when you have a family and i assume it is the biggest concern and interest in your life and she has no interest in having a family, this can be a huge riff.
    maybe, just maybe she was joking (not funny, but not all jokes are)

    give her a chance, call her, share your good news, if she is less than happy for you, than you have given her a chance

    good luck, sometimes people come into our lifes for a lifetime, sometimes a season and sometimes a reason

    people grow and sometimes grow apart

    i would give her a chance by telling her, then you will have no regrets, if she does not act properly when you tell her

    congrates on the baby coming
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:14 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Yeah, I think I would distance yourself from her for a while. You do not need toxic friends to second guess your decisions. When she calls and is huffy about you not telling you are pregnant, tell her that you didn't tell her because it is obvious she disapproves of your choices and you are not here to please her.
    I have gotten that reaction too, from a lot of people. We have three kids and want one or two more. So I really know what you are going through.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:15 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I wouldnt tell her either.WHY would I want a negitive friend like that..Say Bye bye
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 2:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • she needs to keep her judgement to herself. obviously what works for you doesn't work for her, but she doesn't need to be a bitch. if she's just going to be negative, then i would also not worry about including her in my news. but also don't feel like you have to stifle yourself and your happiness at the risk of offending her. just let her know her negative comments aren't appreciated and aren't welcome. if she can't be a better friend than that, then lose her.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:29 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Our family (well my husbands) was like that, they seem to think more than two kids is crazy, we've got 3 and one otw. We didn't tell them we were expecting until I was 20 weeks along this time, and even then I didn't care to tell them until we showed up with an extra baby lol. I just wanted to enjoy the happiness and excitement without any negativity thrown into it, especially after three boys, we finally got a little girl. I wasn't about to let anybody rain on my parade. It's a decision that's personal, they were excited when we told them it was a girl, had it been another boy, I don't think we'd gotten the same reaction, but who knows. Just make sure whatever decision you make is one you can live with. And enjoy your new little blessing =)
    Jessica_5

    Answer by Jessica_5 at 2:31 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I know how you feel. We had the same response when we told everyone we were pregnant with our third child. I've been accused of EVERYthing from lying about taking my BC to "Forcing" my husband to get me pregnant. Yeah, it's ALL my fault (rolls eyes). I've been told how people are disappointed in us and how they regret the baby for us. Yes, we have had financial problems (majorly) but one more baby didn't make or break us. We had ALL our baby gear left over from our middle child, we have two older boys so clothes are NOT a problem. So there was no extra expense for us except diapers. I breastfeed so we don't even need formula . He's 7 months old now and we still get comments from people about how stupid we were having him and all that. This is mainly from family that we get these comments. I know how bad it hurts. I don't blame you for not telling her. IF she asks be honest, but dont' tell her if you dont' want to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • She is your friend??? I don't think so. A friend would not behave that way. She is rude.You could find better friends.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 2:46 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Why would you care what others think or say? It's your life. Just be happy for your family.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:59 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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