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Military Wives, can I get some advice please?

Hello, as you can see, I'm a military wife. My husband and I for 5 months had gotten into a heated argument. We reconcilled the next day and out of nowhere he asked me to move to Hawaii! I never travelled as far as Chicago and on top of that I'm still living with my family. I'm ready to move in with him But everytime a friend of his ask him where he stays which is in Ct, he always complain how he wants to see the world and how bad he wants to go to Iraq or Afganastan! So I told him IDK. He gets upset about it and tells me he was looking for a yes. He told me earlier that week, he was looking at orders at diffrent countries and he was planning on being in the navy for atleast 20 years! He's only been there for a year. He told me, that the navy comes first and mind you we have a 2 year old and he only sees her on the weekends. Idk what to do, I feel like our marriage is falling apart what should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • First of all, you married a military man. And the job DOES come first, other wise it's Court Marshal time. Not to be a bitch, but it's time for you to grow up and support your husband. You shouldn't have married military if you didn't want the lifestyle.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 2:15 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Zakysmommy
    What she said :) and YOU will be FINE.HOW often are you going to get to LIVE in another place? Travel! Im scared to go to Germany but IM dying to get stationed in HI.We are stuck in MD right now..but Im trying to make the most of it.BEST part about it..OTHER military wives are in the same boat you are in.
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 2:19 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Oh and living on base was the best. Hub and I made so many wonderful friends at our first assignment.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 2:21 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I understand and believe me you're not being a bitch whatsoever, the thing with him is I have trust issues and I'm more afraid if we do go off to live with him, he finds someone else while he's on deployment going to other countries and just leave my daughter and I in the gutter. He always said to me that I wouldn't miss him but let me say this, I felt like I was gonna die without him being here. Then I found out he had two more girls waiting for him and that put me in a deep depression. I'm so paranoid now it's stupid
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I agree. You married a military man. Like it or not the job has to come first. If they wanted him to have a family they would have issued him one when he signed those papers. Not to say the military doesn't like family, but just that his work has to come first. When he is home family is first but when it is time for work, work is first. You have to be the military wife, hold things together, do what he can't because not only is he making a good life for his family he is helping to protect every other family in the USA. Being a military wife is an honor and it is hard but I wouldn't trade it! You are a family now. You go where the military wants, and just think of the places you can see. Just think of how strong it will make you as a person and a family.
    MomofTwins07

    Answer by MomofTwins07 at 2:26 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Why won't you move with him? Deployments already keep military families apart and spending longer periods than necessary apart will tear a marriage apart. You need to be with your husband so you guys can be a family and I truly think that will help out a lot of issues you guys are having.
    ZaTa

    Answer by ZaTa at 2:27 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Then that is something you and hubby need to work on. Trust and insecurity issues dont' belong in a marriage, if there are any, then it needs to be worked out by both of you. If he's given you a reason to NOT trust him, then he needs to be aware of that and work on that. I know several soliders that have come back from Iraq and Afganistan, and trust me, they never had time to even look at other women much less be with them
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 2:28 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I'm a little disturbed that your husband wants to go to Iraq or Afghanistan. On the other hand, I'm not suprised, either. That's what they train for and they want to use their training. I have friends that have husbands that have been several times, at a year at a time. Military life is difficult. They have a higher divorce rate, but if you are commited to each other, you can make it work. It won't be easy, though. That's why the military has implimented Family Support Groups. My husband was in the first gulf war and military wives didn't have that kind of support, I was pretty much on my own. Going overseas can seem daunting, at first, we were stationed in Germany, but you can see so much of the world for hardly any money ! We went to Poland and Paris, you can fly to Ireland for $50. You can make it a positive experience for you and your family. Living on base will help also. You won't be alone.
    lisalhott

    Answer by lisalhott at 2:31 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Your answers are very overwhelming thank you for the positive feedback! I feel much better and you know we're only in our early 20s so if I have faith in us it would work out for the better
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • the beautiful thing about military is that one thing you can count on it you won't be left in the gutter, that is if you're wise enough to make sure you're taken care of, not like military can just go abandoning their wives 7 kids and not providing support, they're kinda gotten by the balls in most cases. But being a military wife is hard, but you knew when you signed up for it that there's a constant chance of relocation, I think the longest (different with each branch i know) stay at a duty station in 8 yrs. That's if you're lucky. Deployments and overseas moves, also just a part of the process. Things that should be REALLY thought about before marrying a military man.
    Jessica_5

    Answer by Jessica_5 at 2:46 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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