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Getting father involved???

We are expecting... but we didn't expect it! This is my first time being pregnant and it came as a huge surprise for both of us. I think it might be harder on my husband bc i had to get over the suprise party pretty fast as my body changed so rapidly and dramatically. Sometimes I feel like he isn't 100% on board or doesn't really get what it all means. I don't know how to get him more involved in the day to day life of being pregnant. We have a great relationship so I'm not worried about that. I think about our baby and being pregnant all day every day, while I'm pretty sure it rarely crosses his mind. His expectations of me haven't changed and he hasn't given up any of the things I've had to give up while pregnant (alcohol, social life, SUSHI, coffee, etc.) Sooooo I would love any suggestions about helping him feel like he is a part of this processs!!!!!!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (9)
  • Although we were trying, it was still unexpected after no baby and 3 years of trying then BAM getting pregnant... He came to ALL my appt's for the Dr's - he got to learn a lot at those, we also got him a what to expect fathers edition and it explains exactly feelings he might be having and also what a mother is going through and how the baby is growing and how important it is - It was very helpful - there is also babycenter I think you can both sign up for, get daily updates on what the baby looks like today in your stage of the pregnancy.. don't expect him to change 100% - he'll get the hang of it.. it took my husband about til month 6 before he 'gave up' everything or stopped the drinking / partying etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • didn't mean to be ANON either -sorry
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:45 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Thanks Maxsmom. This is my first time on this site and the first time i've ever participated in something like this. So happy I got such a great answer so fast!
    melhelene

    Answer by melhelene at 3:48 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Oh you'll love this site, I met some wonderful helpful and caring Mommies on here - there is some drama Mommies on here that you will probably run in too but email anytime if you have any questions and I can at least lead to some good sites.. I only have 1 son who is 2-1/2 and not the " typical " child in any way so usually I am no help haha.. but good luck and congrats on the baby..!!
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:50 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • he hasn't given up any of the things I've had to give up while pregnant (alcohol, social life, SUSHI, coffee, etc.)


    IMO, I don't think he should have to give all of that stuff up just because you are pregnant... you give it up to help grow a healthy baby but how is him not eating sushi going to help your baby be healthy? It is very hard for the dad to be involved in the pregnancy, there isn't much he can do. The what to expect when your expecting book has a whole chapter for Dads, I read it and it helped me to understand my SO's role... GL

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Have him come to as many dr appointments as possible - especially the "big" ones like the ultrasounds, etc. My husband gave up MOST of the stuff I had to because I was pregnant just out of sympathy. Have you talked to him about it? The social life thing may be a big shocker to him - once you have a baby it changes pretty dramatically for moms and if it doesn't for dads, there's sometimes a bit of jealousy/helplessness on the moms part. Once you get to the point that he can feel the baby's kicks it may become a lot more real to him!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 3:57 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • The time to discuss what do in case of an unplanned pregnancy is before one happens. It sounds like the two of you need some help from a neutral third party, like a clergy person or couples counselor
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:59 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • While you'll meet some helpful moms on here you'll also meet some mean ones. Does he go to your appts? See if he will. Go buy a couple of baby outfits. Get him some books on being a father. Make sure he goes to your ultrasound appts, then it will feel real to him, he will see a live human in there. Let him feel the baby move when it comes time. Some fathers don't feel involved because they don't "feel" anything, it may take the baby being born to feel real. Good luck.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 4:25 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I have heard it said that a woman becomes a mother the instant she finds out she is pregnant, and a man becomes a father when he sees his child for the first time. My DH was excited for our first, but while I wanted to read every book I could get my hands on and watch every episode of A Baby Story, he would just skim the stuff I showed him. It wasn't that he didn't care, I just think the whole thing was harder for him to grasp. We did take a birthing class together and he learned a lot there and it was good for the two of us, so I highly recommend that. Otherwise, as long as this baby is wanted, take heart in the fact that once he sees that little one enter the world he will fall in love instantly, at least in my experience that is what hapenned. Good luck. And if you need to talk pregnancy, this site it a great place for that, too.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:27 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

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