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How do I deal with a 3 yr old little girl that is completely outragous?

Her mother left her for drugs. and I think there was abuse before she came to live with her dad and I. Well sometimes she is completely out of control. I love her she is my girl but sometimes I just don't know what to do. I know she needs a whole lot of love. And she ask about her mom all the time and what am I suppose to tell her. I can't tell her hey your mom doesn't want you. I will never talk bad about her mom to her. She can figure that out on her own when she gets older.

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Carrie_123

Asked by Carrie_123 at 4:13 PM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (8)
  • Tell her that you will be her mommy if she wants.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 4:16 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I think you and her dad need to figure out first off an answer to her "where my mom" question - she does deserve an answer - don't bad mouth but come up with an answer you both will tell her each time she asks -Like you said, I am sure there are issues there and you need to figure out how to deal with tantrums and maybe put her in couseling to see if there was sexual abuse or physical abuse and get books or ask questions on how to deal with it - I think you first need to figure out what type of abuse was done, then you can learn how to deal with her and help her. good luck
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:17 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • If she asks where her mom is just say I don't know. It's just that simple. Kids need simple. Her acting out is out of abandonment by mom. It's sad but it's important that you remain calm and let her know you love her. She needs to hear it. Try to distract her with play time. When my kids' dad left I got down in the floor and played with them to get their mind off the fact that he had left. Little kids have a small attention span so just answer her questions as best you can without revealing anything hurtful or just say IDK and then say "let's play". It will get easier. After a while my kids quit asking about their dad.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:19 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • I have to respectfully disagree with the poster above me. I don't think that you can say I don't know and just love a kid when they are showing behavioral issues. My first advice would be to seek help from a therapist. I wouldn't take the child at this age, but I would suggest that you go. It will be the extra support that you need to deal with this tough issue. That sweet little girl needs love and boundaries. I would use the great techniques of Supernanny or another expert to get boundaries started in your house. When she asks about her Mom, I think honesty is the way to go. Remember to keep it age appropriate. To say, your Mom chose drugs over you...is not age appropriate. I would say your Mom loves you so much but she is sick right now and she can't be here. Addiction is a disease so I feel like it's honest but not more than a child can understand.
    ErinRenee815

    Answer by ErinRenee815 at 4:32 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • You don't have to say "Your mom doesn't want you", but you need to be honest with her. It's important to give her all the details, so that she can cope with the situation and move on. Her not knowing is going to send her down a spiraling hill of depression, sadness, and possibly a road that her mother chose to take. It's important to let her know what happened and why her mother isn't around. Her mother's choices had to do with herself (mother), not her. Her mother made a choice that was selfish, desperate, and wrong. The daughter needs to know this, she needs to understand that her mother is fighting a battle. Which means she couldn't take care of her daughter, couldn't be there for her. She is with her dad and her step-mom now, which means she will be loved, be cared for, and given everything she needs. Let her know that one day if her mother gets clean she might be able to meet her.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:04 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • SHe needs to see a doctor..a nd maybe soem family counceling for all fo you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • as far as the mommy question, i would talk to DH about how to answer that. if he's ok with you telling her that you can be her mommy and she'll accept that i'd go that route. if not, you can tell her that she's away working, she sick, on vacay...something like that. as far as her behavior problems, try some reverse phsycology on her. if she's throwing a fit tell her to get louder because your neighbors, friends, cousins, etc can't hear her. if you ask her to do something and she throws a fit, then the next time she wants you to do something fun for her then act like she did and explain that if she acts like that when you want something then you'll act like that when she wants something. then explain how she should act when you ask her something, show an example and then see if she'll help you do what you want done so that you can do what she wants. (cont)
    Tarable525

    Answer by Tarable525 at 12:50 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • explain that because you have to do her chore, you don't have time (or she has to wait while you do it) before she can have what she wants. like if she wants to play with a special toy that stays put up, then she has to wait while you pick up her other toys. or if she wants a snack she has to wait while you do something you asked her to do. at 3 she should be old enough to start grasping those concepts. you don't have to deny her, but delay her. make it a big deal for her to help you do things and give her rewards. i would also bet that she's attention starved and that could be why she's acting out. make time each day for one on one time with you and her. library + reading, crafts, walks, park time...and encourage her dad to do the same thing. GOOD LUCK!!
    Tarable525

    Answer by Tarable525 at 12:57 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

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