Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

can watching porn behide your spouses back make a person mean

my SO has been watching porn every chance he gets, I says he is just checking email etc, but clicks off screen if i walk in, deletes history, closes drapes in the room and lowers the volume to zero, sneaks out of bed quietly in the am and goes straight to the computer etc etc etc
also snaps at me for no reason if I walk in compouter room, makes comments like "what is the baby doing" like I am going to run to her

anyway, he hides it, I have tryed to talk to him, he denies denies denies

he is very quick tempered lately, what can I do to help him see his actions are hurting me and our family
I think that he is addicted to porn

ps, I am not against porn, have asked him to watch the good old fashioned porn WITH me like we used to once or twice a month, but now never wants to watch with me, it is him and his porn and his denile



Asked by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Jun. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I was in the same situation.My ex did that ,then my bfr of three yrs and I know how it feels. My ex had an adiction /porn and drugs/. My bfr used to say that it was healthy for man to have an orgasm a few times a day and I wasnt always available . Any way it wasn't the porn that I had problem with , It was him hiding it. I friend of mine who is a guy said that they all do it either because they just get off quickly or there is a fetish they don't want u 2 know about or "health issues" or ..........and list goes on.
    I kinda got used 2 it after some time and I don't mean u should do the same but u only have 3 choices here :get him to stop,learn to live with it or leave him before u go crazy. U need to think abt yrself .
    I am sorry u have 2 deal with this. Best of luck 2 u.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • The porn isnt making him mean.. its that he is ashamed for doing something that he sees u are against.. but it also sounds to me like its more than casual looking.. but an obsession. He may need some help. Sorry you are delaing with this no fun mama.
    Im not against porn either.. besides that its but if my DH was getting that defensive about it, I would be concerend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • Maybe it's the type of porn he's watching that he doesn't want you to know about. Some men have fetishes they are afraid to tell their mate about for fear of being ridiculed. Maybe in a sexual moment you can share a fantasy or sexual secret with him and he'll share something with you. Once he sees you won't flip out on him then maybe he'll let you see what he's looking at on the computer. Men are like big babies. They are afraid someone will laugh at the things they enjoy. Just assure him that you think he rocks and you just want to share the moments with him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:00 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • op here

    it is kind of extreme porn
    not the old fashioned kind of porn

    he used to watch old fashion porn with me and with himself
    but this seems like an addiction now
    few chance he gets
    snaps at me and the kids
    sneaks out of bed in am to watch instead of rolling onto me

    how do I get him back to the real world

    I do not think this is healthy


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • every chance (typo)
    not few (i wish)

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • That isn't right at all. You should try (again) to talk to him about your feelings, and tell him how he's been acting. (He may not realize it.) It really sounds like he needs counseling.

    Answer by Scuba at 5:21 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • op here
    i have suggested therepy more than once
    he says that he does not want others to know his personal business
    or last time i mentioned he said he does not want a therapist to talk him out of wanting unusual sex, that he wants now and did not want when we meet or first two years, but his sex interest has gotten weird the last year, I try to do some things he wants, but some things are pretty weird and he wants weird stuff more and more, and the good old fashioned sex seems not to interest him anymore, like he goes through the motions and just waits until i do the weird stuff, then he wants more weird stuff, I do not know this man, I want a regular man, not a freaky porn guy
    I said maybe the therapist would talk me into it (I know they would not)

    I think he needs therapy too
    but he is in such denile
    and he communicates like a brick wall

    is there anything I can do
    I am feeling more isolated from him every day

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Jun. 16, 2010

  • My so was less socialable when he was addicted to porn. I am glad he chose to stop it. He's more available to me now. I feel for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Jun. 16, 2010