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Do you think that foster children are "too dangerous" and

would you be mistrustful of foster children around your kids?

*Foster moms, please don't take offense. I am also and have come across this prejudice. Wondering the reasoning behind it and how the myths can be dispelled.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Jun. 17, 2010 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Just like with anything else in life, you have to use wisdom and discernment. All children aren't a fit for every family - just like every family isn't the right fit for every child. In OK, they have a questionnaire about what issues are you willing to work with. Knowing your own children, knowing that every issue with the foster child isn't going to be disclosed to you (often because no one knows the extent of what they've suffered), etc is of utmost importance. Something else that's important is knowing yourself (that takes tons of self-examination and honesty) and knowing where your strengths and weaknesses lie is vital. Also, may times people assume the foster child is the "one at fault" and their bio kids are being hurt - it CAN and DOES happen the other way around.

    Sometimes, danger for our children is where we least expect it... be on your toes - vigilant.... foster kids aren't monsters.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 12:44 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Ahh the clarification does tend to help where you're coming from - and YES I've had people look differently at my kids because they're in foster care. Or, several years back, DH and I were houseparents at Cal Farley's Boys Ranch - I got SO SICK of hearing "how do you trust 'those kids'??" Made me so mad. Ok the kids were in placement in probably 80% of the cases because of the adults in their lives - NOT because of what they've done themselves.

    We, too, don't judge our kids on the file or what they tell us, though we do hear and file it away mentally - we start fresh in our home and go from here forward.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 2:19 AM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • My parents once fostered a teenage girl before I was born and she turned very violent for no reason. She actually attacked my mom who only offered her love and anything she could need. Unfortunately, a lot of foster children, especially older ones, have had a tough life and therefore have behavioral problems. It's really not their fault, and it's quite sad. They're definitely not all like that, but I would be hesitant having a teenager with a possible violent history around my infant son. I would love to adopt a child one day though, and maybe not an infant, but an older child. It's sad how the older children have such a low chance of adoption. I'd like to be a foster parent as well, but I know how I am and I think I'd get entirely too attached and it would be painful when they had to leave. Really, all these kids need are love, but you do have to be careful when placing some of them around younger children.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 12:44 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I've thought about being a foster parent at one time and this is exactly why I didn't. I worried about what the child has been through, because a child has to be through so much before they end up in foster care, and I thought twice. I feel that my kids have had a good life and i didn't want the foster child to rub off on them in a negative way. BUT my biggest fear was what if the child had been molested and then molested my child. They say children will usually act out in that way if they have been touched inappropriately. It's not the child's fault, but just wasn't a risk I was willing to take.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • It's not a "prejudice" many times it is a FACT. Many children in the system come from violent backgrounds, have been sexually abused and act out, have mental illness, may have issues with drug and alcohol exposure or have physical medical issues. Sure not 100% of the kids, but many. When you become a foster parent you should be learning about all these things and how to protect your family in your training classes. If not, then your state is doing you a huge disservice. Anyone considering foster care or adoption from the state should educate themselves as much as possible about these things before opening up your home.  My daughter was adopted from foster care and has siblings in other families, while she is allowed to see them and spend time with them she is NEVER allowed to be out of eye contact with me. 

    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 1:20 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Anon 12:12 Sexual abuse is a huge risk. Our state advises that anyone who takes a child of sexual abuse into their home get video cameras installed everywhere in the house for 2 reasons. 1) they may act out on a family member 2) because they know that they can now get attention by talking about abuse details and making false allegations becomes a tool for them. It is a very risky situation. And while you can chose what children come into your home, social workers are not always honest about the child's past.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Yes, I would be mistrustful of foster kids around my daughter. I'd love to say all these kids need is someone to love them but realistically speaking, that's just not the case. Sorry, you can't be mentally healthy after being bounced around from home to home (and yes, I am generalizing...I am well aware that not ALL kids are in that situation) and I am not going to risk my toddler's well being over it.
    LiliMama18

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 1:47 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I am one of those foster children and I am here to tell you that it is not only when you get a foster child in your home if it will work out or not I was 7yrs old and my mom got me back when I was 14 and you know what I must of had a bad foster homes I was in 5 in seven yrs and whats really sad is I don't remember my child hood not even before seven. You maybe concern or worry about having a foster child in your home. Why don't you think of what environment that child came from.


    Us foster kids worry about foster parents that are not in it for the wrong reason like want money and not care for us like their own children... So the shoe is on the other foot..


     

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I think that any time you bring a new person into your home, you need to learn about them and they need to earn trust just as your children did, but foster children are often misjudged! Some of them simply lost everything and need a fresh start! God bless all foster parent, and be proud of your accomplishements in helping the children of the world!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 9:10 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I've been a foster parent for 8 years now and the first thing all the kids are told is "I don't care what has happened in the past we will deal with it but you have a clean slate here. You are what you show me." I'm not stupid in leaving my younger ones alone with an older one but I do show them trust and let them earn it as well. I don't judge them based on what others tell me. To often I've found out there was a conflict in personalities. So the young man that I was told beat up on little kids...well turns out the other foster home greatly favored their own son over him and punished him when their son did wrong. Yeah I know all wrong but it happens. Turns out he loves little kids and works with them at our church where he was adopted by a couple.

    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:52 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

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