Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Foster Children

I always say I know nothing about Foster Adoption. But, these kids that you see advertised as needing families look so great. Is that all lies? Are these great kids that "have good grades" and "want to be a doctor" or whatever, and want nothing more than to be adopted, so bad?


Asked by onethentwins at 3:00 AM on Jun. 17, 2010 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,497 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Yes and no. I know personally several kids like you have described who I worked with and later had pictures in the open heart gallery to attract foster parents. Yes the child may want to be a doctor and make good grades but she may also be sexually reactive and go through phases of smearing fecal matter on the walls when she gets upset. Doesn't make her a bad child but some parents could not do it. I knew several kids who were put up as poster children and it would have taken really special people to have really loved and broken through those defenses. Not everyone can do that. Not all kids in state care are behavior risks but certainly they are not there because life is a bed of roses. It takes time and knowledge, training - willingness to except things that might not be changed.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:10 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I don't know, my ten year old twin girls are the sweetest things that ever walked this earth and are on the honor roll at school. They have ambitions to be a counselor and a zoologist:) I don't even want to imagine my life without them:) They were adopted from foster care but they did have a much better foster care experience than most. No multiple placements etc. My son came to me as a perfect infant boy with rights already terminated. He is now 2 1/2 and just a ray of sunshine. I do think that the children on those sights that need adopting may be harder to place and the agency may "whitewash" some of their issues in their description but adoptive parents just need to learn to read between the lines. There are a few kiddos on the NY state adoption web page that have just grabbed my heart and I too have wondered why are they still waiting??


    Answer by Luuckymommy at 6:59 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Some kids got dealt a bad hand in life, and did do their best with it! Not all foster children are bad like you see on Lifetime! LOL
    SOme really need help and maybe you are the one meant to help them! What is you and your hubby died and had no family and your children were in foster care...would they be good enough to adopt? Just some food for thought! Every deserves a chance! Good luck!

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 8:43 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • It's advertisement, and like anything else they're going to downplay any negativity.

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 11:05 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • They DO often downplay the negatives - just like anything else, you have to know what questions to ask, not go in with "rose-colored glasses", and be wise enough to know that a child who has been in the system for a long time has got healing and hurts.

    We haven't adopted a child from a photolisting, but our 8 yr old's adoption just finalized a few weeks ago (FINALLY!! YAY!!!). When we got her as a foster placement, knowing that rights would likely be TPR & it would be a permanent situation, we were told - she's a sweet little girl, no attachment issues, etc. We've been in this long enough to know (parenting at risk youth 18 years now) that you take that with a grain of salt & pray for what's right for your family and the child. She has severe RAD - but I believe she can & will heal. I refuse to give up.

    They're just kids - some so scared of being hurt again and just need a family to stick it out with them. :)

    Answer by AAAMama at 11:25 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • The majority of these children are harder to place for a reason. It could be age, siblings, or behavior or even all of them. Even if you ask all the questions in the world and get answers it still does not guarantee that problems will not surface later in life that no one realized when they were younger. They do all want a loving home and have their dreams. It's just that their nightmares also come with them.

    Answer by baconbits at 4:42 PM on Jun. 17, 2010