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should i change my kids last name

i was given sole custody of my3 small kids and i am considering changing my last name back to my maiden name. i am also thinking of changing their names to my maiden name as well. my ex has no envolvement in their lives at all. he wasnt there when the younger 2 were born and pays no support. he is constantly in and out of jail, he has no where to live so he stays with friends, his family doesnt want him around. it was my mistake for chosing him as their dad, but thats on me. i just dont want them to be stuck with his last name for their life. i dont bad mouth him to the kids, they never ask about him. my oldest is 6 and shes had 7 christmases and he's been there for 1, same for birthdays, only 1. this is a guy who put his foot on mine while i was driving, causing us to go 60mph, swerving all over the road while i was 7 months pregnant. he never calls to talk to them. i just dont know what to do. please help, but be nice;)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Jun. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Well, thank goodness you left him. You can make it.

    A name change is completely up too you, is it out of spite or just because. Then you have to explain to them why? If they are all girls they will probably marry, and not have the name anyway.

    If you remarry, you guys will have diffrent names anyway, unless the man decides to adopt. I would not put my self through that. My 2 kids have not seen there father in 11 years, but they still have his last name they are girls and will marry maybe in the future, I gave them the name out of love so I won't take it away from them that is really the only thing they have left of him.

    To each their own, Good luck.

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:05 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • My mom went through the same situation. We had no involvement with my father or even his side of the family for the most part. As time went on, My brother ended up using our dads last name, but I used my stepfathers last name (not legally though...I just said that was my name). I'd say it was never a big deal for us..But its totally up to you. On one hand, I can understand why you would want to change it though. I think if I was in your situation (and/or my moms situation when we were younger) I would change their names to mine. I had a friend who had a son (who's father was incarcerated for murder) and he was not a good person at all. She gave her son her last name because she didn't want him to feel like he was living in his fathers shadow (in our small town it would have happened unfortunately)
    So good luck..Your the mom! you know best :)

    Answer by rainandresmom at 10:13 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Yes thank God for you and your children that you are no longer with that man.

    I'm not sure how old you children are but I would recommend asking them how they felt about their last name. I know when I was five my mom asked me what I wanted to do when she married my step dad, if I wanted to take her new last name, take my real dad's last name or keep her maiden name which she gave me at birth. I chose my step dad's and no he did not have to adopt me to do that either. But I would just talk to them to see what they are thinking and feeling and let them know that you are thinking of changing your name.

    Answer by mamarogers2010 at 10:15 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • i think it would cost a lot of money. My son't last name is my maiden name and i can't stand that he has my dad's last name. I wish i could give him my married name but if i were to do that then my dh would have to adopt him (which he doesnt mind doing) but i wouldnt recieve child support from his bio dad. Even giving him my mother's maiden name would make me happy.

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • He will have to sign off on it for you to do so.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:33 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I was in this situation. I decided to keep my married name while they were young so they didn't think I thought they were not good enough...having their fathers last name. Regardless of my feelings, they are who they are. I CHOSE to have children with him. They have a right to be who they are. This seems particularly important to males in this society. I told them make that last name a name to be respected and looked up to by their actions and who they become as people. I am glad I let them keep their dads name. They have not seen him in 10 yrs, and he didn't pay support, but my son is now 24 and has his last name tattoo'd on his back...he is an Alexander and I should let him be proud of that no matter how I feel about their father. Just because their dad is a F-up doesn't mean they are. Let them be proud of both sides of who they are.

    Answer by salexander at 10:59 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • If you have the money to legally change your children's names, then if that is what your heart is telling you, go for it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

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