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SAHMs, what would you say if after 3 years SO decided the responsibility was too much for him?

so my fiance and i have been together 4 years, living together for 3, i have a 6 yr old that calls him dad and we have a 2 yr old together. for the last 2 years i have only been working part time and only pay a small portion of the bills. he pays the 2 hefty bills and most of the extras for when we go out and such. i am working the most i can bc i cant afford daycare for the baby and we have no sitters. he watches them when i go to work. but he has recently been saying that he is young (23) and is too young to be stressed ab bills, job, money etc. and feels that it is ok to sit and stew and be ill without talkin to me ab it, and he treats me like we r the reason he isnt where he wants to be in life. , like has to work a job he hates to support me and hes resentful about it. he gets mean and wont talk and i am on the verge of leaving. should i let him free to go sew his oats since he acts like he wants to be a free man. CONT'D

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Jun. 17, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (9)
  • OP HERE - ALSO he mentions very often that he would like to be able to use him hard earned money for things that he wants, like a new car, or new clothes and shoes, etc instead of only payin bills and such. meaning he would rather keep his money in his pocket than to pay the bills with it. he says he wants to be with me, but he doesnt want to be responsible for all the bills and such. but he knows if i work fulltime it will only cover daycare. i think hes just being young and dumb. like he wants to have fun first instead of paying the bills. heres the problem, I STARTED OFF SUPPORTING HIM. i was and still am his only ride to work, i enabled him to get to work everyday and home without a worry, and i enabled him to get the promotion to manager and found a home close to his job. all the material things are mine, car, house, furniture, he just pays the bills! and he wrecked my last car so i had to get a new one!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Sorry but he needs to grow up! He is only 23--- well he has a whole long lifetime ahead of him and he better get used to the idea. HE chose to make a child now he needs to man-up and start supporting that child! My hubs (of 20 years) would love to be able to not pay bills and have money to buy himself things he wants--- but he knows that his KIDS come first and he has to make sure their needs are met-- clothes for the kids, food, shelter--- that takes priority over his 'wants'.
    If i were you I would tell him he has 2 choices -- grow up and be a man, or get the hell out-- and then I would go after him for child support!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • i'm sorry but being in a relationship has nothing to do with not paying bills. you still have them. sounds like he is looking for an out. tell him to grow up or you're leaving. that is what i would do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • npt sure what the question is...but your SO sounds very childish. you dont have kids, and a family and then later decide hey I would like a new car. yeah dont we all. a child is a lifetime commitment, one he made himself, noone f=orced him. if it were me I would tell him some simple truths about child support. he thinks he has no money now? if you two split he will owe you tons in child support and possible partner support. men are so, idk, ridiculous sometimes. God forbid they ever accept their part int hings-it must be someone elses fault. jerks. good luck honey and dont let him bring you down. he is in the wrong here, if he wants to move on tell him to get out....then go to court and take the child support and meet a man who deserves you and those kids(hugs)
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:10 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I agree tell him to grow up.
    IraqiVetWife

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 11:39 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • OP HERE - thanks Jen,i really just feel like he forgets that im supposed to be on HIS side. he frequently says how when he grew up he didnt have anything and he didnt have anyone to help him and this and that, and now that he has some money he wants something to show for it instead of it going all to bills, he even says things about going to live with his grandmother so that he wouldnt have to pay rent. saying that we may need to go back home temporarily in order to save money up. but we arent THAT poor. i mean we have all bills paid each month and have a kitchen full of food, and have enough to put some in savings and have spending money! none of our bills are overlapping/past due etc. and i HELP pay bills(water, internet, phone, the cheap stuff). i really feel like he is looking for an out on the bills. i really want someone more positive and that shows me he is down for whatever instead of bailing on me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • But being in a relationship means 50/50.. not one person doing all the work. I believe that both parties should carry their own weight, meaning working full time. If you get a job that pays enough, you will be able to afford daycare. Not being able to afford a babysitter is BS and a cop out. Everyone needs to grow up and face the reality of wanting and having money. It takes work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I would tell him that he needs to go back home with his parents if he wants to act that way and then he can deal with the fact of paying child support and still have no money! I'm sure he'd change his tune them.
    Jessie1689

    Answer by Jessie1689 at 8:31 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • OP, it sounds like your fiance is being an immature jerk. If he leaves, I would think long and hard about ever moving in with a guy again before he marries you. I say this as a woman who has lived with two men before marriage (one is now my husband). Looking back, I think it is a mistake. If a man is truly committed to you and all the responsibilities that will come with that relationship, he will put a ring on your finger.

    Is he willing to go to counseling and work on the relationship, or is he just trying to ditch out? I'm sorry you're going through this. He might put you in the position where you have to work and use child care. He will have to pay child support for the kid(s) you have together if he leaves, so he can't just escape his grown-up responsibilities.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:44 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

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