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My son is freaking out when I leave.....

He's been in a part time daycare Center since he was 16 months old - he's over 2-1/2 now.. for the first six months he cried every morning I left - then he stopped crying.. now they are trying to do a very slow transition for the next level and he has started screaming and latching on to me again when I leave in the morning. And each morning he says he does not want to go to school. He has very good verbal skills but can't tell me of course WHY he doesn't want to go - he has had 4 biting incidents since he's been there and he tells me on days if other kids hit or push him etc.. he's also very sensitive and most kids would get knocked down and brush it off and keep going but he gets VERY upset .. I just wonder if a Center atmosphere isn't good for him or if because he's having such a hard time always, maybe an IN home daycare would be better.. ? anyone go through this and make the change? or is this normal phases for transition

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 12:25 PM on Jun. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • I think it would be a good idea if you talk to the daycare and tell them he needs to be in a stable room where he has the teacher all day. That way he can get a little attached to the teacher and he will be more comfortable. Daycare often switch the teachers around to give eachother break, etc. If they won't do it, I would look into a home daycare. Being that your son is sensative he needs to be able to bond with someone and feel comfortable...
    leslie_zoe2010

    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 12:52 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • In my case it was a normal transition. Of course he would rather be home then in daycare. He is a bundle of energy and a very busy little man. He is a lot tougher then you think. The biting thing can be a problem though and you can get kicked out of day care for it, if they cant get it under control. I had both situations, in home and daycare settings. Daycare is a very hectic place with lots of kids in one class setting. In home is more nurturing and that may be something he needs at this stage. Make sure if you go in home that the person is a licensed daycare provider.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Well he's at an age where they typicallly go through that. One thing, is that some kids need coping skills. You can't make a sensitive child, unsensitive. But they can learn to cope better, and they need to, because the world isn't going to change because they are sensitive. Personally I always like the idea of in home daycare for kids under the age of 4. Just figured they would have more security. best of luck
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:40 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I had the same problem with my DD when they moved her from the 3's class to the 4's. She was fine (after the first few months) when she started... but when this moved happened It was like the miserable newness started all over again. It has been 4 months since they moved her and now she cries about 3-4 morning instead of 5. I've noticed that my DD really dislikes change... I try to make it fun for her in the mornings. She does better if she has something to look forward too all day. For instance I will tell her, if your a good girl this morning and go to school without crying mommy will go on your slip n slide with you as soon as we get home, ok? GL mama, I know how hard it is...
    leslie_zoe2010

    Answer by leslie_zoe2010 at 12:42 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Well, He is not the Biter. He has gotten bit 4 times by 2 different kids though. I very much love the fact he's sensitive and don't want to change that by any means. I just get sad that after his long, he acts as if he doesn't like it. I am in contact with the Teachers and Director often, he's in soccer there, they learn Spanish and sign language, have events we go to etc. I just hear of other parents when they go pick up their kids they don't want to leave there or they can't wait to see their daycare provider.. I know all kids are different so I shouldn't compare but its hard to watch my baby cry and scream for me not to leave him..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:46 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • anon 45 here again. I promise you that after you have been gone 5 minutes he will be so distracted with activities that the crying will stop. Pretty soon he wont even cry when you leave him anymore, but I do remember how hard it was to walk out that door with him crying like that. As for the biting, I thought he was biting. At my daycare they didnt play around with it, so make notes of the whos and whens of the bitings. I promise it it was your kid doing the biting, and a parent complained, they would be all over you for it. Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Well, they do it in stages I guess. Where the infants are in one room, the toddlers in another, the pre-preschool aged kids, then the preschool etc.. its always the same teacher's in the same rooms..and right now he is attached to his teacher but not hugging attached, you know? Like when we walk in the Center in the morning every one is like HI MAX and he just puts his head on my shoulder and won't waive and won't say hi - he is a very routine child and doesn't do well with change but I thought by now THIS would be routine, and it just isn't.. I don't know if I can bear another 6 months of him crying again ... but my husband seems to think this will happen at a home daycare too -
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:57 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Anon: thank you - No he is not the biter but this Center apparently has the "its a phase,it happens " attitude. Both families got incident reports and what steps were taken but it kept happening and the center's Director, since he had " a biter" as her first child, I think was very leinient with the whole thing. They also take lots of pictures at this school and pictures of all the kids on the wall of kids doing the activities and he is never smiling, he usually is holding his puppy ( which is his comfort/nap time stuffed animal ) I know they tell me he does stop crying within 20 minutes most of the time but still doing circle time or group songs, his teacher says he doesn't usually join in, he's usually in the background watching.. just makes me so sad. he's very full of life and energy when he's at home or comfortable.. It just hasn't happen here yet.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:03 PM on Jun. 17, 2010