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How far would you go to please a man that you arent even married to? where do you draw the line? a little help please?

ok so the SO hates his job, and im a sahm with a part time job. we cant afford daycare, even if i worked full time i wouldnt have money left over for any bills after daycare expenses. i help with bills and buy household items(tissue, toilet paper, soap, all that stuff) all the biils he pays can be paid off of 1 check. but he isnt saving as much money as he would like, so should i be the one to suggest a solution? he gets upset when i try to tell him anything, he would rather go through and brew in it alone. do i try to contribute even more money to help out with bills, or do i suggest he quite hanging out and spending money (on extra gas, food, beer with the guys etc). he says he wants to be able to have fun, but he will spend money on the fun and bitch about having to pay the bills. do i tell him to suck it up? or do i try to help? he hasnt even proposed after 4 years, so am i supposed to do any and everything to make it work


Asked by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Jun. 17, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Oh man, I did this for 7 years, thinking it was all for the sake of my daughter, it's not worth it!!!! Tell him to either grow up or get out! Ok, well maybe I shouldn't tell you what to do, but honestly, you deserve better than that. Really. Find yourself a partner that WANTS to work and provide for you, my hubby is out of work right now due to injury and it is killing him that we are struggling. A real man needs and wants to provide! if he is physically and mentally able, there is no excuse, he wants to have fun and drink beer huh? Tell him it's beer or you. Ok, so I am perhaps a little too emotional about these kind of situations-especially since I don't know you...but do what is right in your heart, do what is right for you and your children. Teach them that adults have to be responsible, and that sacrifice is part of life-but you can still be HAPPY!! ok, I'm gonna calm down now , haha. Good luck !!

    Answer by mommyharmon at 2:19 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • i'd tell him to suck it up. if he wants to save more, dont buy beer, dont drive all over town. that's his choice, and if he makes it he cant gripe about it.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 12:54 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • He needs to grow up and you can't help him with that. His household comes first, not screwing around with the guys, driving around and drinking. Single guys with no kids do that kind of thing. I think it's great you have a part time job. You are doing what you have to and he should too. A frank and non-confrontational discussion is what needs to happen so the air can be cleared and you two can work out how the money gets spent. The bills are always going to be there and he is going to have to get used to that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • you could suggest something but try to make the suggestion seem like its not about what he should do or not do. people hate it when they are told to do something and especially when its about money. so suggest what else you COULD be doing like buying beer from the store and inviting his friends over rather then going out and all over town so maybe an alternative.

    you could pitch in to help too by making a buffet of food for the guys. make things more fun rather then pointing out the negative.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 1:03 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • and people rather be SHOWED what to do rather then TOLD so hope it all works out

    Answer by americansugar80 at 1:05 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Suck it up, buttercup. I know he may work hard, but when times are tough, people have to make sacrifices. So he has to stay in another night or two and give up beers out. Get a half case of beer to keep in the fridge and veg out at home with a beer instead after the kids go to bed. People do what they have to do when money is tight. If that stuff is more important to him then his priorities need re-aligning.

    That being said, don't forget that you have every right to suggest things, discuss things and keep communication open on all these subject matters whether he wants to hear it or not. If you are able to get him when he's at a relaxed moment, tell him your thoughts or solutions. Tell him in a way that you're helping him to help you both, and ultimately your family.

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:33 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • If he gets pissed off when you suggest anything than leave it alone. It would be different if you were married because then his finances would be linked to yours but basically I would just tell him to suck it up and leave it at that. If he wants to be a grownup and talk to you then help with compromises when it comes to his fun. I love my fun - I work hard and deserve the time to have fun but I always make sure my bills are paid first and that there's food in the house and everything else that should come first when you have a family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Just ask him what HIS solution to the problem is. If he doesn't have a solution then tell him to figure it out. He sounds like he just wants an excuse to complain and a reason to go off with his friends. He sounds selfish. If you are ok with that then just ignore his temper tantrums and enjoy your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • there is not necessarily a right and wrong answer other than that if the situation is not acceptable to you it is up to you to try to address it. if he is not receptive, you're not going to get anywhere. at some point you need to make it very clear under what circumstances you are willing to continue the so-called relationship and under which ones you are not. a relationship requires common goals and communication - it doesn't sound like you have either. if you can find a way to talk this out and come up with something that works for both of you, then great. otherwise, you need to make a decision based on what is happening and what is best for you and your children.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:22 PM on Jun. 17, 2010