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Have no Idea what to do! What is right???? I have a blended family, my daughter got off the bus today in tears because she heard my step daughter sitting in the seat in front of her telling her friends that her mom was better than my daughters - (ME) and that I am mean to her and make her do chores. I just sent her to her room, but I dont know what the right thing to do is! I don't like that she tells our business to everyone and their mother and that she is talking badly about me, what do I do?

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bshultz33

Asked by bshultz33 at 1:00 PM on Jun. 17, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (12)
  • Thats a tough one. Dad needs to get involved here and have a heart to heart with her. Maybe the whole family should sit down together and have a heart to heart. There are some issues between the kids that have to be worked out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • If you making her do chores is mean, then this little girl has no sense of what hard really is. She sounds like a spoiled little brat to me! I guess the "Right" thing to do would be to talk to her, sit down with her and tell her that you are not happy with the fact that she's not happy and doesn't think you are nice to her, and that you want everyone in your family to be happy, so maybe ask her what kind of things she would like to see changed in the house. If it is feasible, maybe try it out. It could be something as simple as when you tell her to do the dishes, she doesn't like your tone. I don't know. Good luck with this one!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • anon has a good point. a family meeting would not be a bad idea. then if she has any problems you can hear her out and hopefuly resolve them.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 1:05 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • If she is talking that badly about you, then I'd say she has no respect for you either. You talking to her will probably get no where. Her dad needs to step in and tell her that you both (you and he) are the parents and both are in charge. Ultimately, he will have to be the one to fix this but hopefully when she sees your DH is backing you up all the way, she will realize that she can't snowball you. I agree with family meetings but in this, DH will have to be the 'heavy'
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:13 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • are you treating her fairly? if there is a big difference between how you handle your sd, and how her mother handles her, then maybe dad should step in and explain. i think punishing her for having her own feelings is mean. you can't tell a tween girl how to feel, weather it seems reasonable or not. she never chose for her parents to divorce and she never chose you as a step mom. her father chose you, so he should probably deal with her.
    i can't imagine how hard this must be for you. i think being a step parent must be the hardest job in the world!
    keep in mind what a tough time this is for a young girl, even without family problems.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 1:15 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Look if you really think about it she was probable saying this to get your dd to be up set and she succeed, Look you need to show her respect by sitting down with her and talking it out. Just do what you would do with your daughter. But sending her to her room was because you got up set ....See if you had shown her that what she says does not bother you then she would of not  won. You know the truth you know if your to hard on her or not.... Girls are so sensitive......You have to keep in mind that it is not you...,If you can maybe you can spend the day just the two of you with out your dd so she can see a differant side of you. treat her like a queen for a day. Gl

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • well sending her to her room for expressing her opinion about the two moms didn't get you any brownie points. She has a right to her opinion. Punishing her for it just proved her point now didn't it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I have a blended family, I am extremely close to my daughter (step daughter)...it hasn't always been that way though. How old are they? I struggled from the time she was 4 until about 8 to have a connection with her without the bio mom having an influence, you have to think about that too, do the bio mom and dad have a civilized relationship? Some of that might be coming from the other home. I say get dad involved and both of you sit down and talk to her and ask her why she feels that way and what can you do to make her not feel that way. I always let my daughter know how much I loved her and how important she was to me, and I have always without a doubt tried to be fair with her, she gets treated the same as all the other kids. Good luck this is tough, the sending to the room, I think you should of talked to her prior, this to me would be a confirmation of her feelings towards you. again, good luck!
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 2:23 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • How long have her parents been divorced, & how long have you been married to her father? It can be difficult for kids to adjust to both of these changes, & even if it's been awhile, she may wish her parents were together, or simply have torn loyalty between you & her mom. Her mother may also be playing into her feelings if she has resentment toward you that she shares with her daughter.

    I don't think I'd punish the girl for sharing her feelings with her friends, I'd talk to your own daughter, & explain that it must be difficult for her stepsister to have torn loyalties, & I think I'd let your husband talk to his daughter about maybe being more discreet in her conversations.

    My husband never referred to my oldest son as his "step" son, & always treated him the same way he did our biological sons, He's 27 now & says he picked out his own Dad & yes he did see his biological dad.

    Blending families can take time and patience
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:13 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I had this same problem when SO and I first moved in together. The only thing that helps is getting her dad involved. We still have these kind of issues occasionaly but I have taught my daughter to ignore the comments and relize that they are ONLY a reflection of SD opinions.
    hotrodlassie

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 2:39 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

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