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our baby is 9 weeks old. we cannot stop fighting. we cant even be around each other... but we never fought like this before. every pety thing comes between us - he is picking me apart! he tires me more than the baby... i am sad, not enjoying this new motherhood, and taking antidepressants for ppd.... what do i do about my marriage - we are in a bad place...

we also have a 9 year old that lives with us... but hes been with us for 1 1/2 years.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Jun. 17, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (9)
  • are either of you getting any sleep? my husband and I were at each others throats when we were both really sleep deprived. try to spend some one on one time together and talk about he is making you feel and vice versa.
    GiannisMomma

    Answer by GiannisMomma at 3:16 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • It sounds like you guys need some time apart. Do you each get to have some personal time?
    carsonsmommytam

    Answer by carsonsmommytam at 3:17 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • what type of things are you fighting over? could you all be sleep deprived? We fought a lot after we had our son too - but he cried all the time with colic and didn't sleep so It took its toll on both our Nerves and having PP also, I know your emotions are all over the place,...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • i wrote him a long letter - bc he never lets me finish talking - and we always end up in a fight. things were ok for a night, but now its worse.... we have talked....and we both say we dont know how to get out of it. i go out with the baby so he gets time away from me...and i get away from him. our anniversary is soon and we have a trip alone planned - but right now i dont think it would be any enjoyment...we cant stand each other at this point. ..... :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • what do we fight over? everything. and nothing. and theres a definate lack of sleep with a 9yr old and a newborn.... we alternate who gets up at night, but now he doesnt want to get up anymore.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • My husband and I were exactly like this when our now 2 DS was first born. We were both sleep deprived and were very anxious about our new baby. For me, I was depressed and taking meds for ppd and my husband finally told me that he was just worried that we were going to fail our son. He said that it just put a lot of pressure on him that he didn't expect. For me, him being snappy and edgy just made everything worse! Once we finally sat down and talked about it, we laughed in the end. We were both feeling a lot of the same things, but were going through it alone. My advise is to talk to him. Let him know that you are feeling the way that you are and that it is okay to feel weird right now. Your lives will never be the same and it will be a lot easier if you get on the same page and keep an open line of communication going now. Good luck mommy! You will get through this, we all do!!
    HuskerMommy08

    Answer by HuskerMommy08 at 3:23 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • we were this way when our oldest was born. We would snap at each other and argue. It was sleep and sex deprivation. YES, both of those. Hubby was also stressed because he felt more pressure on him to make sure he did right by his family. Just sit down and calmly talk to him. if things start to get heated, walk away until you both calm down. Go on the vacation you have planned. It might help you two reconnect. This happens to a LOT of couples after a baby is born. Whether it's their first or tenth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • when my 5 month old dd was born, my husband and I were at each others throats aswell. prior to that we really didn't argue much. we were both exhausted and stressed. I think it is normal and we laugh about it now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • If you aren't working then you can get up with the baby and let him sleep. You can try to rest during the day with the baby. If you are breastfeeding and sleep with the baby in your room it will make you less tired. You and your baby will get on similar sleep cycles. Since you are taking meds you shouldn't sleep with your baby. Of course you can breastfeed taking antidepressants in case anyone thinks that is a problem.


    It sounds like the 9 yo is your husband's child. Could he go live with the mom or a grandparent for awhile? Since it's summer this should not be too disrupting.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 7:07 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

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