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Husband became religious fanatic... What do I do?

I knew and respected his deep faith beliefs when we started dating. It was one of the things that attracted me to him. Once we got married, his commitment to religious study and prayer time (solitary) increased tremendously. He often thanks me and appreciates my support of his religious commitment.

We just had a baby. He spends hours and hours each day studying and praying. Like 6 hours daily minimum. Usually more like 10 to 12 hours. If I need something or the baby needs something, we have to wait if it is his prayer time. The baby is 3 weeks old. I get very little help from him. We fight about this. He ignores both me and the baby.

I want him to put our child before prayer and religious reading. Please no Bible based advice. We are not Christians.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Jun. 17, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (25)
  • I will pray for you :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Explain to your husband that you fully support his beliefs and his need to pray, but you also need his help in caring for his child. Tell him that you will have to hire a nanny to help you if he continues to refuse to do so. It doesn't sound like he is holding a job with all the time he dedicates to prayer, so that should get his attention.
    neebug3766

    Answer by neebug3766 at 10:46 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • What faith are you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Wow... he needs to get a grip. That is neglectful of him to treat you and your baby like that and I would NOT put up with it. It's no different from a man spending 10 or 12 hours gaming or with friends, he is still neglecting you. I would tell him that I support him in his religious endeavors and want him to grow spiritually, but that I could not hold a marriage together all by myself, and that I didn't appreciate basically living alone with my child. I would tell him that his religious devotion is taking over his life and that if he can't get it under control then it might be the end for me. Because that IS out of control. That's an addiction. And if he wants to be devoted to religious stuff before anything else, to the point he is neglecting his family, maybe he needs to take the habbit, because it's not fair to ask a family to work around 12 hours of religious study a day.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:48 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Tell him that it's time to be a man and take care of his family. I'm sure his god/gods understand, since most people of most religions believe that a child is a gift from their god/gods.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I think he is escaping from reality and from living ....religion does not demand that amount of time for praying,etc. Life is for the living...he is not living.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • If hes not christian who is he praying to? Just curious. Are you sure hes really praying? That is WAY to long. It's good to pray but I think God or whoever hes praying to would want him to take care of his family. What about work? Do you think he may have something wrong mentally (not to sound harsh, just out of concern)? I would definatly find someone to help comfront the issue, maby someone that shares the same faith as him.
    lovmyhubby

    Answer by lovmyhubby at 10:54 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I agree with Ati and anon at :51
    10-12 HOURS? C'mon. It's much too much and fanatical. I think you have a larger problem than just help with the baby....
    That said, tell him to talk to his rabbi, priest, whatever or all three of you go to talk to the spiritual leader to get clarity on this. I wish you good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • I would gently remind him that he is needed as a husband and father in his family, and that this should be what his deity wants if it isn't I would reconsider being ok with his faith. Blessings..
    Daphna28

    Answer by Daphna28 at 11:01 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

  • Being the man of the house he obviously has repsonsibilities to you and your child. Most religions would teach him that anyway. It would help more if we knew what his religion is, but how does he have time to do that? Does he work?
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 11:04 PM on Jun. 17, 2010

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