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Can a marriage work...

if two people love each other BUT want very different things in life? We married young and as we've gotten older and started a family we both want the complete opposite out of life. He wants to live in a big city (NYC) where we have no friends or family so he can rise up in his career, whereas I want to live in the suburbs, close to friends and family. This is constantly an issue in our relationship and I'm afraid that one of us will never be happy. :(

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Asked by Chloesmama10 at 1:41 AM on Jun. 18, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • I should add that we are from, and currently live in California, so NYC is by no means close to us.

    Answer by Chloesmama10 at 1:42 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • move to a suburb close to a big city

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • hes wanting to move to nyc?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Yes, he wants to move to NYC (clear across the country) because he wants a "big city life" and feels he could advance in his career. Friends and family are very important to me and I would like to live near them, and raise my daughter near them. Ugh.

    Answer by Chloesmama10 at 1:45 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  •  I really don't know what to say, but i want to share with you a phrase that has helped me alot in my marriage, -- nothing worth having in this life is easy-- If it were me, in this economic times, i would set a goal, maybe 3 to 5 years from now when things settle down a little bit, give it a shot, go for 1 year, IF he could find a good job BEFORE we left.  and if i felt unhappy or depressed after that first year, then the deal would be that we would move back, if me and the kids were happy, then stay.

     With technology these days, you could stay in really close contact with family, and if he furthers his career, then you will have plenty of money for a plane ticket home to see family right?


    Answer by katamike at 2:00 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • yes it can work ...but only if each partner is putting in 100%.
    and communication communication communication.
    write down the pros and cons of each living situation. Have him help you if he will. Reach some kind of middle ground. NYC IS far away from california, but there are lots of other large cities that aren't so far away from home that offer nearly as many opportunities as NYC. ...i like Seattle, for example. :)
    good luck

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:20 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • oh. and here's a quote from my FIL that he says to his wife fairly often, "You can have anything you want. You just can't have EVERYTHING you want".

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:22 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Marriage is about compromise. Surely between the two of you a compromise can be found

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:28 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I agree with the others about compromise. Sometimes the best things in life end up being a total surprise to you. While you might not want to live in a big city, you might find that it suits you well. I would suggest committing to 2 years for any move though, since moving can be one of the most stressful things to happen in your life, giving yourself a quick out won't necessarily benefit you in the end. What it comes down to is that home is where you make it, and it's more important to be with the people you love and that make your family.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I'm not so sure that love is enough to hold a marriage together. One of the many reasons I hope my kids don't get married until they are older and know what they want out of life! I had the same issue with my ex, I was married at 20. He was much older and knew what he wanted, but I didn't until I reached my mid 20s and realized he and I had totally different ideas about what we wanted. We separated when I was 31.
    You could compromise, but then both of you might be unhappy. I don't know what to tell you, but I hope you find a solution to your problem - divorce is not easy!

    Answer by missanc at 9:41 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

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