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Need help/advice just found out my father is not my biological father!

So about a month ago I got a random message on FB asking if I was so and so's daughter he wanted to get in contact with my mom, so I asked her if she knew him and so on and she stated she didnt so I left it. The other day I got another message from this guy stating that he had some information for me and wants me to contact him. So yet again I called my mom to ask her about him and right away she was like can you block him I did catch her off guard cause I called her at work, well I decided to write him stating I dont know who he is and what this is about but I am just not going to give some random guy information about me. An hour later I got an message back stating I dont know how to tell you this since it seems you dont already know, but I am your biological father! Seriously did I read this right? Oh and if incase you were wondering I am 28! What do I do? how do I process all this? What do I ask? Anybody else been here?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 AM on Jun. 18, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • He could have the wrong person. But if he doesn't and you didn't know, why question it? I mean, your dad-as in the man that raised you as his own-was man enough to step up and take care of you. This guy didn't.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 3:51 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your mum, and find out if he is on the level- if he is, then go from there... DNA testing would be my next step, if I decided that I wanted anything to do with him. Even beyond that, it could impact my healthcare choices to know my true family history as well.

    I have no clue how you feel, but I do know I'll eventually have this conversation with my DD. Her father left when she was 5 months old, and it is inevitable that I will have to answer some questions later down the line. If I were you, I would so be having a drink right now.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 3:54 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • He could have the wrong person or just be some freak that's trying to mess with you? I'd try talking to you mom again and tell her what he said...

    Answer by Blueliner at 4:11 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • ok has your mother confirmed or denied this yet? i dont see how even HE can be sure he is your father for a fact. honey if it is true though, DONT WASTE TIME being mad at your mom. she likely had reasons that seemed good to her. and i am sure she raised you very well yes? so dont waste time being angry, or making her feel bad. if this is true, then embrace it. take the chance on finding out more about him and getting to know him a little. you could be enriching your life.

    Answer by sati769leigh at 4:46 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Before you talk any further with this man, deeply probe your Mom or your Uncles and Aunties. Everybody has a skeleton in their closet and she may be choosing to keep this one buried, for personal reasons. Someone else, in your maternal family, knows about this! You have a right to know who your biological Father is, whether he was irresponsible or not, whether he was a part of your life or not. You do not need be privy to whatever caused the rift. You should tactfully make this clear to everyone that this is about freeing what was done in the dark, dying at the light of exposure. Your biological parents also carry dire medical history that is imperative to your well-being and those of your (future?) children. Pray for Divine Intervention, Guidance and take several deep breaths. The truth sometimes hurt, but lies always hurt worse.


    Answer by Ewadun at 5:00 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • The man who raised you IS your father. Don't ever forget that. Don't shut him out of your life just because someone else all of a sudden is feeling guilty or whatever there reason is.

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:15 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I agree with what the others are saying. Your mom most likely had a reason for not telling you (if in fact it is true). Whether is was protecting you or herself from something. You dad is the man that was there for everything and raised you. Don't take it out on him either. Who knows, how long have your parents been together? maybe he doesn't even know this is a possibility? But I would definitely talk to you mom before talking to this guy again. There are a lot of strange people on facebook making up stories.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I wouldn't believe it unless there was real proof and not just words texted from one cell to another. I mean really, after 28 years of no contact, How did he get your cell phone number? Its not like they are public record. its not like he could call the carrier and ask for it. Or even search the net for it. To me that sounds very much like a scam. Some one got your cell phone number is and trying to mess with you and your family.

    Answer by kuriequinn at 9:02 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Kuriequinn, she never mentions a cell phone #. She got a message on Facebook.

    Quoting OP-"I got a random message on FB", "well I decided to write him stating I dont know who he is and what this is about but I am just not going to give some random guy information about me. An hour later I got an message back..."

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:53 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • You and the father that raised you have a right to know if this is true. I don't know anyone that "been there" but I do know people who have discovered late in life that they were adopted. They are called "late discovery adoptees" and you'll find information if you google that term.

    Your situation is different from theirs though because many of them are searching for their birth parents. 

    Oh and I did once meet a birth mother that contacted her son, told him she was his birth mother and he didn't even know he was adopted.

    Anyway, you need to talk to your mom. You could ask your dad for a paternity test I suppose. And if it's true look for a good therapist.


    Answer by onethentwins at 8:07 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

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