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Coercion on the radio

Re recent clsd coercion post: The radio station I listen to every morning runs an ad for a company called Ash*ey M*d**son advertising they are a dating service for people who want to have a "discreet affair". The commerical runs constantly and I think of how many men sit in their cars & probably think about calling, how strong the allure must be to some to cheat without being caught. How basically many men will argue that the sexual urge is one of the strongest and monogamy is actually against that male biological instinct. How a high # of men cheat already without being coerced.

Placing for Adoption is extremely rare; cheating is not, Placing is against bio instinct; cheating is not. Placing is permanent/serious; cheating is less so.
Yet I know few wives would forgive their husbands if they say they cheated because they heard an ad on the radio.

Dont you have to have an idea in your head before you are "coerced".

 
SandalsKitty

Asked by SandalsKitty at 6:33 AM on Jun. 18, 2010 in Adoption

Level 10 (468 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I agree with miriamz's previous post (above). I think we all have different ideas about what the word "coercion" means, and we've had this discussion before. The definition in Webster's includes threat or force. We have one mom here who was threatened with losing her older child if she didn't allow the placement of her younger ones because she couldn't pay back the "assistance" she had received. That is the most clear-cut case of coercion I've ever heard.

    While the ads may be sleazy, as someone said, I'm not sure I'd call that coercion. I'd call that more of a suggestion. I do agree that the untrained person on the other end of the phone (whose goal is to refer an EWCA to a lawyer) is acting in a distasteful manner. If no impartial counseling is offered from a person who does not stand to profit, I think that is unethical.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:22 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • (continued). I am not discounting the seriousness of actual coercion and not being sarcastic like the prior Anon post. I just do see the point that there is so much coercion in our daily lives but to act on it, you have to have some need.
    SandalsKitty

    Answer by SandalsKitty at 6:38 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I see add that say pregant and scared? Call ------- to get free support and counseling. Well many of these places are not located in your state. A toll free number with an unlicensed counselor who tells you abouthow much money you can get for your needs and then sells your information to a private lawyer. This is how many lawyers find their bmom's. The agency gets about four to five thousand for the referal to the lawyer. If you don't think that something is really stinky about that then I don't know what else to say. While legal I have some concerns. Such as they never even meet these women in person who they counsel. Seems odd to me. I have talked to one such business several times. I am for choices and adoption is a good option but damn.....there are better ways.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:35 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • If I were to follow your line of reasoning, SK, it wouldn't be that the men had already thought about cheating (or that a non-pregnant woman thinks anything at all of adoption) however, when a man & his wife are having a "temporary problem" with his wife, he might hear on the radio, a "temporary solution" to his woes and cheat. Later when caught, his wife may divorce him, causing a "permanent solution" to his "temporary problems" between the TWO of them.

    However, when a newly pregnant woman is faced with what she perceives as a life-altering or life-stopping problem of unplanned pregnancy, in which she isn't alone, but involves a partner she cannot control/predict to help her, she may listen to the adoption ads & think that this is her solution, problem solved! And they'll pay me? Even better.

    But when she considers adoption, a "permanent solution to a temporary problem", she involves the life of an innocent child.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:38 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • The man is risking divorce, but Hey, he's looking for a way out anyway. If he ends up alone, that's how he started. No big deal.

    The woman is looking for peace, and believes that she will find it by placing her child in the loving hands of people that she doesn't know. She's told that it's normal to experience grief, but not the depths of it. She may be told that in an OA, that quarterly pics & annual visits is "normal" & what most people agree to, but not know that she has the right to ask for much more & get it in writing. She MAY be told OA agreements aren't legally binding, but that most AP's, especially the ones she chose, will follow thru. Even if the child grows up loved, happy, and content in his adoption, she has nothing in her life to prepare her for what is to come.

    For me, as frogdawg says, it's less about the ad, and more about what happens after she calls. Do they tell her that she c/sh-ould parent? No.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:46 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • they also lie to her about the effects of adoption on her and her child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I think those ads are sleezy that say "pregnant and scared" just like I think the A. Madison ads are sleezy. What I cant believe is that someone who wasnt thinking about adoption listens to those ads and thinks "Wow, I sudenly WILL do this", or that they werent thinking of adoption but when they look at some profile showing a smiling yuppie couple, they suddenly feel so invalidated that they give up their own flesh and blood.

    That, if I understand it, is what is being said.

    I mean look what you are doing right there, that "adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is a catch phase that gets thrown around. Realistically though, it is often a permanent solution to what would have been a permanent problem. If you were struggling or broke before you got pregnant, it didnt suddenly get easier. Povery is a permanent problem for many.
    SandalsKitty

    Answer by SandalsKitty at 8:55 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Maybe she has friends or family who have either suggested or recommended adoption. Maybe there is a lot more going on and she is scared and alone and vulnerable. Maybe she's being told adoption is best for her baby even if she is willing and able to raise the baby herself. All those can contribute to coercion. Are pap's really so desperate for babies that they want women who are desperate and under a lot of stress to be bombarded on all sides with the message that they are not good enough for their own babies and they ought to give them away to strangers?
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 9:03 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • She's told that it's normal to experience grief, but not the depths of it. She may be told that in an OA, that quarterly pics & annual visits is "normal" & what most people agree to, but not know that she has the right to ask for much more & get it in writing. She MAY be told OA agreements aren't legally binding, but that most AP's, especially the ones she chose, will follow thru. Even if the child grows up loved, happy, and content in his adoption, she has nothing in her life to prepare her for what is to come


    Lets try to stay on one topic... I get all that.....and while I dont believe a lot of that is going on everywhere today. (I have a domestic adopton, I saw first hand what our child's bmom was told). My question/point is that coercion exists in all parts of life.

    SandalsKitty

    Answer by SandalsKitty at 9:03 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • When that coercion leads to the permanent legal severing of the mother child bond that is a lot more serious then being subtly coerced to have an affair. I don't see those as equivalent.
    miriamz

    Answer by miriamz at 9:08 AM on Jun. 18, 2010