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can a cheater change

i have been married for seven years to a charming, handsome man. we have a six year old son and another boy on the way. we have been separated for seven months.i had suspected infidelity for years and he's always been adverse to the truth but it got to where he lied about everything from rice to women and i had to get out. i thought the space would give perspective. out came seven years of online and out of town relationships; more infidelities and relationships than i had thought. he even lied to a girl during this separation and told her he was divorced before they started a short, illfated affair (she was hoping she'd met prince charming) now, once again, he's sorry and wants his family back; a repetitive cycle he's honed over the years. what Ive found is that my feelings for him havent disappeared and i still want to believe he loves me. he swears i did everything right and wants me back--can cheater change?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Jun. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • He will need a fundamental change. i have a cure for all cheaters. it's called islam. i have seen it change men and women from the worst of people to the best of people in no time at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Some will say yes, but I don't think he will. You were separated for several months because of his cheating but yet instead of learning from it and trying to win you back he was out cheating yet again.. This really sounds more serious than just cheating, something else is going on. I think he needs professional help.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 9:53 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Some will say yes, but I don't think he will. You were separated for several months because of his cheating but yet instead of learning from it and trying to win you back he was out cheating yet again.. This really sounds more serious than just cheating, something else is going on. I think he needs professional help.

    This exactly!
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:55 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • No, I learned if from my x. Unless they want too, some can't stop.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 9:57 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Charming? LOL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • pp, the irony is that when we got together in colllege we were both non-religious, but wanted to join the catholic church (so he claimed) after i got preg, i went through RCIA and followed in my familys footsteps. he refused citing Muslim roots, claiming he would go to mosque instead. i figured if he was devoute, it would be ok, becasue good Muslims like good Christians are pretty well behaved but he rarely goes and doesnt pray and continues to eat pepperoni... i guess he cheats on religion too...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I know in your heart you want to believe he will change, but he has already shown time after time that he will not/can not change. I think he does love you in some way, but not fully. He can't love someone with all your heart, body and soul .... and still cheat on them. It would kill them to even do it once, If you FULLY LOVED YOU.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 10:00 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • leopards can't change their spots IMO
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:01 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Generally no.....there might be the rare few who do but how can you trust them? Better off finding someone who isn't prone to that behaviour and who will treat you beautifully like you deserve.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 10:04 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • If it was an incident,, I would say yes,,but habitual cheating would take ALOT of work,, he might have a sex addiction,, and IF he was willing to get into treatment,, and IF your willing to forgive,, I think it can be overcome,,,If you have been seperated for 7 months,, did you make him leave when you found out you were PG again? I think you need to talk to someone, and see if you can try to make it work,,only because you have kiddos with him,,,I am not excusing his behavior,, but you do have little ones, and IF he is a good DAD,,there has to be something the 2 of you can work out----IDK but unless he would get help, I would vote no coming back!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:10 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

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