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till death do us part? but what about cheating..

I am/ was a firm believer that marriage is forever.. now my husband cheated and i am devastated..i feel like i need to move out for a while and clear my head, but i also feel obligeted to be there for my husband,. he is having heart problems and so i feel it would be wrong to leave when he is not better. what to do. i feel like i want to stay married i just need to be alone for a while..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jun. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think that you can work thru cheating. A seperation may be what you need though to get thru it. It helps put things into perspecitve, lets you see where the relationship went wrong and allows each of you to do some hard thinking about how to make this work so it won't happen again. I would get a counsilour too. GL!
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:41 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Can you go visit family for a while? Taking a break is a great thing but don't let the break be too long. Working out these issues after cheating needs to be done together not apart. Being apart gives him reason to "need moral support" and call her (or someone else) and do it again then blame you for it!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:43 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • He's causing your heart problems. If you need a break to clear your head so you can forgive him, then do it. And now would be the perfect time. He is expecting you to be by his side right now. How can he appreciate you if you dont make him see your worth. Leave the cheating bastard for a moment and let him ponder that over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • oh gosh! I wish I new what to tell you. I have never been through something like this, but I would personally not be able to sustain a relationship with my husband if he ever cheated on me. I would be done. All I can tell you is I'm sorry your going through this and I can sincerely say you deserve better. Staying because he is sick shows great love and care on your part.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 11:46 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I guess God forgot to mention that part of marriage! 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • You can work through it you can forgive him, yet you might never forget it.

    Would he do it again? Why did he do it? Did he put himself in that position? I don't know if I would be able too, you have to be a strong woman.

    When my x cheated all I saw when we were intimate was her face, i couldn't take it anymore.

    Yes, you have a right to go away, was he thinking of your feelings when he cheated. Just see if you can get someone to look after him.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:47 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • To be honest if my DH cheated I would go see a counselor with him. Find the root and see if we could find a resolution first. I do not believe in once a cheater always a cheater. Of course I'd be devastated. I also think when one person is cheating there's a reason. Not saying it's anyones fault. I just love my husband enough that I'd seek the reason. See if that couldn't be resolved and if it could great let's fix it. If not then sad but bye. Oh and if it happened after counseling etc. I'd say bye.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Oh and to answer the main part of your question...

    I don't think it's wrong of you to leave him if he has a heart problem, you can still live apart and be there for him through that problem. Also he could call upon family too if he needs more of live in care.

    You have every RIGHT to be alone right now. If that's what you feel you need then by all means do it for you! Don't ignore your needs and put his above yours right now. That'll backfire on you eventually.

    I'm sorry about your situation it must be hard, especially with the few things you mentioned. :(

    I really do 100% recommend counseling. It helped my relationship with my DH before we were married and we were 19-20 and he was cheating. Now we have an amazing marriage and it literally couldn't get better. So yes once a cheater not always a cheater.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Actually, for the God comment...Adultry is grounds for divorce in the Bible.

    OP, I went through it. It was hard, and very painful, and yes it did take a while to get back what was lost. But DH commited to changing. If you need to take time, take it. If he ruely wants to save your marriage, he will do whayever YOU need him to do right now, even if that is to jusy give you space. Trust can be rebuilt, and he can change. If you need to talk feel free to pm me.
    RheaF

    Answer by RheaF at 12:18 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • "I guess God forgot to mention that part of marriage! "

    No, God didn't forget that part. There are specific provisions in the Bible for divorce if cheating is involved.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

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