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Letting go

Ugh..My dtr is now 18 & off to college in 2 months. It is time to let go and I can't! I don't trust her decision making. She has a rotten long term bf and is not on birth control because "she doesn't need it..I know what I am doing." She has questionable gf's ie: drunk every week-end, abortions, etc. She is a good girl, but so stubborn and immature. However time has said she is a adult. How do I let her go?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Jun. 18, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • It is not easy that is for sure, talk to her and offer birth control once again, keep in touch that is a must. I required out of my kids a daily call just to hear their voice and they all complied, I needed this for my sanity. You just got to leave whatever happens to fate and hope for the best and that all those things you taught her stuck with her. This experience makes them mature, it changes them and makes them self sufficient in many ways, it is a lesson better than any other subject offered. It is also frightening and exciting, you will be just fine, just keep that contact alive.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:28 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • that is hard - my daughter is about to turn 19 and we are in regular touch, even though i cringe at many of her updates. learn to talk to her on an adult level. although you are still a parent at this time in her life if she is anything like my daughter she will shut out anything she views as lecturing - my daughter also "knows everything." meanwhile even though she gets mad at me i try to talk to her and respect her decisions as much as i can. don't worry about judging the boyfriend or the friends. my daughter had some real dumbass friends and got hooked on a real ass of a guy but in the end she was true to herself. that's where the parenting comes in - hopefully you have done everything you could to help her move in the right direction. the only way she's going to figure it out is to make her mistakes like we all have to. she has worried me ALOT lately but all of a sudden she's getting it!
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 8:56 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • the hardest thing to do is know what is happening with her but on the other hand it's also good if you do. it's also hard to fight the urge to fix everything that goes wrong but your daughter will be a stronger person by learning these things. mine actually asks for advice on things and calls to let me know what is going on, bad and good. it's pretty cool - even though she is paying off warrants from tickets tomorrow, driving around in a car that is not insured and inspection is out of date, and has a title loan, etc. believe me this is actually an improvement - so i totally get what you're saying. on the upside - she just got herself a great new job with a future, has a long-term plan to complete her education (her way of course), and a plan to get her finances back in shape after making some major mistakes including a bad roommate and procrastinating on stuff that grew out of control. treat your daughter like she can do it..
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:00 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • You just do. Period.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • You just do and then be ready withOUT the "I told you so" IF the pieces need picking up.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:06 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • I know what you are feeling. My daughter is about to go to college in August and, although has my trust, I worry about her decision making. She tends to think she can handle any situation and I fear that she will be too confident and put herself in situations that are unsafe. My son who is almost 21 has made mistake after mistake and I have spent so much time and money trying to help him. Each time I think he is "out of a hole"  he tends to find a new one. He has had a problem with pot which has led to legal problems. In response to your question, I personally would find a way to make birth control a must, even if I had to use the excuse of "use it to keep you regular since you are going off to college and things get disrupted".....   I believe that even the smartest of girls need parental intervention!

    TexasLuanne

    Answer by TexasLuanne at 11:54 AM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • Letting go is the hardest part of parenting especially when you see your child making bad decisions. Our 21 year old daughter is getting ready to "jump off a cliff" and it is tearing me apart. I took her to a Christian psychologist, hoping she would see "reality" but all she can see is what is "real" to her even though he also told her she was making a bad decision. Our entire family has tried to get her to "wake up." I hope some of it gets through the her. The only thing we can do is pray. Let go and let God. It's torture. I'm so sorry for your pain. I know how much it hurts and the anguish you feel. Hang in there!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • well if you have talked to her about right and wrong as she was growing up , and the difference between want and need, and explained why. Then all there's really left is hope she listened and took your advice to heart, After all she is an adult , so there's really not much else you can do now. All you can do is to have faith , trust her, and hope she does good. And a little praying might not hurt. as well. :)
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 8:44 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • She has been making her own decisions it sounds like for a long time. She is of legal age and if she is going to be like that, she needs to be out on her own. I hope you aren't going to pay for her college or her car, etc. Tell her you love her, but she is an adult now and she needs to be responsible like one. If she has a baby, she has to financially take care of it and you aren't going to mother her child. Tell her the rules about things, set out terms, and let her know that it is difficult to be a grownup. If she is playing the game, she has to pay the price. It is difficult letting go. Hopefully you have taught her right, now it is up to her to make decisions. Pray for her and keep in communication in a way that is "how are you doing" but not telling her what to do, etc. Hopefully your love and concern will show through.
    joysings

    Answer by joysings at 12:47 PM on Jul. 9, 2010

  • All you can do at this time is trust that she is going to know what is the correct thing to do. Also all you can do is be there for her when you talk to her.. Let her know that you too had the same age and that you understand. Believe me girls mature a lot faster and get it together better.
    Rosivick

    Answer by Rosivick at 10:41 PM on Jul. 17, 2010

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