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Do you think its bad if a dad moves 45 minutes away from his teenaged child?

Who lives full time with his mother? She rents in a town that is super expensive, Dh and I could never have afforded to buy a home in that town. We bought a house we could afford 45 mins away and she's never let us forget it, and has told my step son that we've abandoned him. Dh used to live 20 minutes from them. This move has not affected DH's visitation with his son. Just curious what you all think, is she right?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Jun. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • The boy's mother is being a manipulative, abusive B&%ch. It IS NOT bad that your DH be 45 minutes away from his son. There are phones, email, even webcam. It's less than an hour drive. Don't listen to her, and explain to the son that you moved where you could afford. He's old enough to understand that. If your DH is seeing your SS regularly, he knows he wasn't "abandoned." This makes me so angry for you; I hate bitter ex wives.

    Answer by Scuba at 4:01 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Where I like 45 min away is not a big deal. Not sure how it is where you live. If 45 min takes away from the relationship that a father and child has then the relationship wasnt great to begin with. The mom is probably just ticked off that she has to travel farther to drop the kid off.

    Answer by LeeLeeCandleGrl at 1:47 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I think she is being manipulative...

    But I think she has a point about it though. Boys at that age are tender hearted and he could see your moving away that way. I think it is important for a kid that age to know he has a place to go if his mom flakes on him and 60+ miles is a long way to go if he is the one having to go the distance. Not only that, but if he wants to move out of his mom's house he has to change schools and leave all of his friends.

    You both had to do what was necessary, but it is important that your dh makes it clear that his son is always welcome. And that you both make the effort to see him outside of the visitation, like at school and or extracurricular events.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:51 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • my dad used to move away all the time like that when i was younger and it did hurt my feelings. and my mom never said anything bad about him, i just thought it on my own.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 1:53 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • He wasn't living in her town as it was, so changing schools would have happened anyway, not that he would have ever been allowed to live with us, even though he was always more than welcome. SS is 18 years old I might add. Oh, and BM never ONCE in the 15 years they've been divorced did a pick up or drop off, so that wasn't an issue either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I don't think that is bad at all. My parents were divorced and we lived in AR, my dad lived in PA, so I only saw him during the summers. 45 minutes away is nothing.

    Answer by Christina807 at 3:03 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I moved an hour away from my ex husband. We simply each take turns making the commute once a week to pick up & drop off our son. Neither of us think we are "bad" for doing it.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 3:58 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • No because you didn't have a choice. 45 minutes isn't really that big a deal anyway.

    Answer by keyaziz at 4:03 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • 45 minutes is not a big deal. you have to live your lives too and live where it is reasonable for you to live. she's a piece of shit for trying to use her child that way. when the dad is refusing (which is even different from unable) to pick up the kid for visitation, THAT is abandoning. i know of people who successfully parented children together living more than an hour and even in different states. she's an ass. 45 minutes is less than many tv shows, less than many rush hour drives home. too bad it'd be immature to bitch slap her.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:08 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I can see why the boy would think you were trying to take him further away and probably thinks you did it to get the son not to visit often or call dad for a drop-by-and-see-him moment. No matter what he's going to blame you and mom is trying to make dad understand what's up. Tell dad to explain it to him. Kids always take things like this personally.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Jun. 18, 2010