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How long do you wait?

So been married for 3 years (together 24-7 for 5) He wanted kids right off the bat. I wanted to wait (at the time I was 22 he was 29) For the last year our relationship has been very rocky. It's miserable and I don't really see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I want kids sooner versus later, but I'm repsonsible enough to not be attempting pregnancy during this melee. However, I'm not a baby making machine and have fertility issues to the nth degree. I don't want a divorce (at least not today...maybe yesterday and tomorrow) but at the same time I don't want to be trying to have my first kid at 30 (not that I can't be patient, but there is a point) So how long do you try to resolve things and make it work or at least do you wait until everything is completely resolved before you throw a kid in the mix? FYI I can take brutal honesty so I'm not going to cry over anything.

 
Pumelo

Asked by Pumelo at 10:13 PM on Jun. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,292 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • ok last i saw in marriages their are problems that come and go. some are harder to work through and some arise at the worst times, i.e. pregnancy but if you the type who married cause of true commitment then you know that you work on things. if it is something very serious then wait until you feel like you can trust him more. if you feel taht your going to work through this and it's just complicated then wait a little longer.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:25 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • In my opinion you should wait until you resolve things.. The last thing you want to do is complicate the matter with a child.. It wouldn't be fair to the child if you wound up divorcing a few months after the baby is born. I'm 34 having my second child in Nov soI don;t think waiting to resolve you relationship problems should be a factor...
    TomsMom

    Answer by TomsMom at 10:16 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • no relationship is perfect. they all have ups and downs. but if it's over serious issues, you should wait. it's not like if you leave him you will find a man right away and have kids with him, so i dont think time should be an issue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • I agree, if it's rockey now - a preagnancy and a small child will NOT help.....and if you have issues w/ getting pregnant the stress of a rocky marriage can't be good either.....better wait.

    Hope everything works out, girl :)
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 10:21 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • Not bashing but why did you come to CafeMOM if you are not a mom or trying to be?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Jun. 18, 2010

  • To Anon: I came to cafe mom because I was pregnant 2 years ago, miscarried, and then about a year and a half ago we started trying. I hadn't been online in a long time, but came on here just within the last week to look up some information on prior posts. Then it was kinda enjoyable. So Sorry I don't fit the qualifications to be on CafeMom, but there was a time.


    Thanks everyone for your thoughts. It's good to see true advice instead of what people want to hear. Thanks again!
    Pumelo

    Answer by Pumelo at 2:26 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

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