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Worried about having a girl?

I was sexually abused by a close family member and family friend for a long period of time when i was younger. I have a real issue and paranoia with men from this. Luckily I have gotten over a lot of it, but I still fear for my babies, even my boys. I am very cautious with who watches them, but I have a baby on the way, and I know I am going to really buckle down and have a hard time trusting anyone if its a girl.

I have been and am still in therapy, so I dont need anyones advice on that. The abuse is something that you never really get over though,.. its a complete viloation of your womanhood and trust, and shouldnt be ignored. It is a disgusting and serious problem in our world....

Did any of you with girls have issues and fears?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Jun. 19, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • I did, but you can only teach them right from wrong and really hope they listened to you.
    Educate them with who is allowed to "touch down there" (Mom dad and doctor when mommy or daddy is there)

    Keep an eye on who they are around often, behavior when they are there....

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • i am too. the same thing happened to me growing up. i dont know how i ended up getting married. i dunno, that hole stays inside u ur whole life. i wanted to ask did therapy really help? i always wanted to know if it ever would have been easier had i undergone therapy. til this day no one knows of it, not my husband parents no one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • I have a daughter, and NO problems in that area- she had No problems growing up. don't put your fears on her b/c of what happened to you- just keep a close watch, and if she has something to say--listen
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:49 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • duh.. but my parents had no idea what i was going through. the man threatened me so bad..... 90% of women I know have been abused.. how can i not fear? And, its very hard to teach a very young one about those things..... my abuse started at 3.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • 90% of the women you know were molested as children? wow, that's really unlikely, but anyway, i agree with anon. 5:49 said.... you can't let your experiences burden your children. use it to teach them about private parts, good touch/bad touch, and most important that they can tell mommy anything and since you went through it before you can tell them the tricks that bad people might use. you don't want to make them untrusting and paranoid.... use your experience to teach them what to do and how to avoid being in a situation like you were.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:24 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • I was "slightly" abused as a kid by a few people I should have trusted.. So I too have trust issues... Even when dd was a baby I had a hard time even leaving her along with Hubby just to run & take a bath!
    Before she could talk it was hard trusting anyone. and i only left her for a few hours with females in our family I knew I could trust.. And even now at 3yo I will just briefly suggest no one touch her there & if anyone does to tell mommy... Ive also taught her that we DO NOT keep secrets! Secrets are not a good thing...And I will ask her occasionally if shes been somewhere who has helped her potty & if anyone ever touches her there...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • I was not abused but I am very concerned for my 3 year old daughter. There are sick people out there who hide in society that dream/fantasize of horrible things. I trust my instincts when it comes to any situation and protect her innocence. Clothes for little girls these days are like shrunken teens clothes! They are cute but so many of them send the wrong message. It is hard but set your standards and don't budge. I got a weird feeling about a neighbor kid (just turned 12yo) a few months back and come to find out he watches porn on his cell phone, knows what "spit or swallow" means and asked my daughter to go get a check up upstairs with him when we had a neighborhood cook out. Not that I am 100% sure he would have hurt her vs just looked but who knows- not at my child's expense!! Also, you may have your own plan for this but sharing your story and fears with your husband will help him understand why you will be so.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • protective over your daughter in the future. It will also help him realize abuse is real and not just something you hear about on the news or tv shows. I wish you the best and the best advice my mother gave me is to always trust your instincts. You will never forgive yourself if something happens when you feel like you made a bad choice which allowed ______ (fill in the blank) to happen, be it a cut or something worse. I think you will be a great mom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • Well, you already are a mom. I meant you are handling this situation and your fears nicely.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Jun. 19, 2010

  • Thank you so much for being so realistic about this previous poster. I am shocked at how many of you ladies actually are trying to make me feel rediculous for being afraid. I am no moron, and I ofcourse teach my children about private parts and what not, but I knew what they were when I was young, but it didnt matter. When you are left a lone as a child with a grown up, you do as you are told... especially when threatened..... And if you are threatened not to tell your parents that a man used his dick as a sucker and asked you what flavor it is..... you do, becuase they tell you that you are the one that will be intoruble iof you tell, so you dont.

    Dont think that your child will tell you when something happens. I wnet 3 years abused, and his daughter did as well.. and noone knew. I dont think my parents were stupid, they just didnt see the warning signs.... This was my dads best friend since child hood......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jun. 21, 2010

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