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how do I survive this?(pls I need honest answers from moms who had gone through similar situations and conquered

Since this year my hubby is having an affair openly. he spends all day and night with her, if I complain, cos we hardly see him, he beats the shit out of me, he's always threatening to kill me.I am 7 months pregnant. My hubby said that the other lady is waiting for me to move out.I have spent all my savings to carter for my kids, I have nothing left, nowhere or nobody to go to.
He' s repaying a loan,,(he didn’t use the money for investment, but squandered it) after deduction, there's little money left. I felt that he collected the loan just to punish me, so that if I leave him, he can't afford to pay for child support. friends advised me to leave,but never offered a helping hand, I'm scared, cos I'm broke where would I go, with pregnancy and three kids. My blood pressure is very high.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:29 AM on Jun. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Sweetie, you NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP!!!!! I work at a Police Dept, and I deal with this EVERYDAY! He is a control freak, abusive, cruel, and this will only get worse! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... contact your local STOP Domestic Violence or 1-800-563-6904, file a police report and get an Order of Protection ASAP. There is help out there from many agencies - Social Services, WIC, food stamps, housing assistance, etc... You have to get yourself, and your children, out of this situation ASAP. Feel free to contact me here on Cafemom or I am working today (#518-563-3411) and I will put you contact with someone at your local Police Dept.
    4bridges

    Answer by 4bridges at 7:48 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I agree, you need to get out!! This is not the type of environment to bring a new baby home to (and it's obviously not safe for you). You can look for local womens shelters in your area. They will take you and your children and help you get on your feet. Good Luck, and I hope everything works out and you are able to get you and your children to a safe place.
    landons.mama

    Answer by landons.mama at 8:03 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • If you have no friends or family, find a shelter.. Call the police.. Do something..
    Ren_Ren

    Answer by Ren_Ren at 8:03 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • There are places that will help you and not homeless shelters. Ive lived in 2 states that have had this so I'm sure that they may have something similar to that where you are. It's a family renewal service. They will get you out of that situation put you up in your own apartment with your kids and its rent free untill you are able to work and support yourself fulltime. Then the apartment gets turned into a section 8 apartment lease and you pay very little. Take advantage of the help they offer you because this is your kids life not just yours. I left my abusive husband 5 yrs ago when my DD before she was 1. He used to rape me, beat me, cut me, tell me he was going to kill me. All of this in front of her!!! When he was done and my DD was crying he would pick her up and throw her at me and tell me to stop being a POS mom!! My DD still remembers all of this! She has nightmares 5yrs later! There is help out there.
    sam123333

    Answer by sam123333 at 8:35 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • If you want more info or just want someone to talk to you can send me a message. I'm here for you!! You dont need this and neither do those presious children. Your friends probably dont act like they are too willing to help because they dont think you will actually leave him. This is uncalled for and it needs to be stopped!
    sam123333

    Answer by sam123333 at 8:37 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I agree with all of the above. Get help. Call the domestic abuse hot line. DELETE YOUR COMPUTER HISTORY so he doesn't know what you are up to. Call the police. Then get the heck out. Take advantage of the social services that are available. You may not want to as a matter of pride, but I am telling you that those programs are there for a reason and this here is one of the biggest. They're there to help those in need until they find a way to get on their feet.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:03 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I agree. If he beat you while pregnant then have him arrested. Next I'd call the local domestic violence shelter and ask what they can help with. They do more than just provide a place to go. You shouldn't have to leave your home if you are safe there just bc his gf wants your house. Personally I'd file for divorce and ask for big bucks on child support. Whether you receive it or not is another thing but then he'd go to jail for that as well. There is no reason for him to move in with her and pay her bills and not pay for his children with you. I don't think they will grant a divorce while you are pregnant but you could still do the paper work if that's what you want. If you are wanting him back, not sure what to say. Just make sure, if you talk with an attorney, to tell him that the loan was his and he should be responsible for it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • Call the police and they will help you get out and protect you. they will probaly send u to a shelter first but you can always get into better housing that the government will pay for till u get back on ur feet. there are tons of programs to help woman like you. Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • There are plenty of places you can go to get help, call the police or the domestic abuse hot line and they can help you. Don't be stupid and stay. Do something good for you and your kids, leave.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 10:55 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • honey the first post is rite if he is beating u. u have to get out. my ex hit me cheated on me not to the extent of urs but darling before he kills u get out. it will only get worse. i left and it was hard and still is hard. i have 3 kids but there are places out there that will help u food stamps wic and welfare. there are also womens shelters u can go to. i was a stay at home mom for two year had no jobi left 2 years ago and i am happy not to be living with him. it will be tough but contact the local police and do everything that the first lady said. i wish u the best contact ur family and see if they can help u as well. good luck
    sammy3

    Answer by sammy3 at 12:48 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

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