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Is my daughters stepmom out of line?

I have a 10 year old daughter that lives primarily with her father,and I have scheduled visitation.She has lived with them for 5 yrs and is doing well.I went to see my daughter last night and her father and stepmom were both outside as well.The stepmom asked what school my 6 y/o was going to in the fall and I told her and I also said that I wanted to move out here(meaning close to my 10 y/o) and she said"why!' I said b/c even if I dont get an extra minute of visitation with her I want to be where she is. I then started talking to my 10 y/o and she told me she were going to a gymnastics camp this week and I said "would you like me to bring your sister?" She said yes and the stepmpm chimed in'why drive all the way out here,they wont be in the same class"...lastly, talking about my 10 y/o her stepmom said"I dont want to be a grandma for yrs...." I feel like she is pushing out of my daughters life whenever she can..Shes 43,no kids

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Jun. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (17)
  • Sounds like you're reading too much into her comments. Maybe she was just questioning you, making conversation?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • thats very common to happen especially since she feels like shes the one that takes care of her. i would pull her aside and tell her its inappropriate to do that in front of YOUR daughter. you are still her mother and choices should be made between you and your ex not her and you. i would also have a sit down with father and stepmother out of earshot of the kids and express this to them.
    sam123333

    Answer by sam123333 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster. And you need to remember that the SM and father are raising her and she has a say in what goes on. I think you are reading too much into it. I question everything my son's bio-family does, I have adopted him recently but, even before I adopted him (when I had "no rights") I questioned everything they were doing and everywhere they were going and for what purpose.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster too.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:53 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I want to know why the hell you don't have custody of your child. You complain about not getting enough visitation, but why the hell have you not had custody for the last FIVE YEARS? Have you been fighting for your daughter at all?

    (sorry this is rude. It's a touchy subject for me)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I think after being her primary female caretaker for half of your daughter's life, she has a right to feel as involved in her life as she is. I don't think she was out of line but I don't think she was trying to push you out either, I do think you are reading too much into her comments. Your daughter is lucky to have so many people who love her.
    alexxxxx

    Answer by alexxxxx at 11:24 AM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I'd say find a way to work with her... express your concerns when you have them!!! You daughter is lucky to have two moms!!

    My mom and step mom were at odds for years (we lived with my dad), and only years later, when my mom became a FT care giving step mom did she understand!!

    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 12:04 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I want to know why the hell you don't have custody of your child. You complain about not getting enough visitation, but why the hell have you not had custody for the last FIVE YEARS? Have you been fighting for your daughter at all?


    (sorry this is rude. It's a touchy subject for me)


    Are you seriously suggesting that a father shouldn't have custody of a child? Maybe he was better off when the child was 5 and the mother can't afford an attorney? You have no idea and certainly don't have any right to attack her like that. Some women make me sick when they bash a woman for not having custody of her child but, its ok for a father not to have custody. Women are no better than men when it comes to raising children.

    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 12:15 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • Well, I think she was out of line asking why you would be taking your other daughter. What you do with your other daughter is NONE of her business. Also, she needs to mind her business when you are having a private conversation with your daughter. I think she is trying to push you away....just my opinion.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 12:23 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I would have to say that being a step mom myself she was trying to keep you from getting closer with your daughter. We share 50/50 custody with mine's mother, but she doesn't do much for her daughter, and being the mother of my SD's little brothers and sisters, it's hard to emotionally step back when you get involved in taking care of a child that's not biologically yours. I think it's jealousy on her part, and she's trying to keep herself from getting hurt too. It's hard to be involved for years and then have to take a step back because mom comes back. I'm going through it right now.
    midnightshadow2

    Answer by midnightshadow2 at 12:35 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

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