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my kids dad is on drugs

my exhusband is on drugs pretty heavly he only comes around every once in awhile and when he does it seems as though he is always coming dwn and trys to have an attude with me! i know how important a fathers role is in a childs life and my daughter who is 7 loves her dad and follows him everywhere when she sees him, my son who is 12 now he doesnt show any emotion one way or the other! i have noticed lately that my x is treating my son differently then our daughter attention wise! my son told me last time that his dad made a rude comment about me and i conforted my x and told him not to say things in front of our kids he got angry and called my son a snitch! now my son doesnt want to tell anyone anything he has shut down! i have full custody of my kids and i told my x dont call or come around until you sober up and get right in your life! do you think that was the right decison? im so fustrated! how does a father act like this?

 
coolness

Asked by coolness at 9:27 PM on Jun. 20, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (6)
  • a father is important in a child's life if he can provide positive guidance and support - i.e. if he can be a parent. even a not-so-great dad is okay. but this guy is a mess - your daughter doesn't need to be idolizing him and your son doesn't deserve that shit. keep him away! if your kids want to know why explain honestly that he is having problems that make it hard for him to be a good dad and he loves them and will be able to be a part of their lives when he can get help. meanwhile you might want to get your son some counseling - he's at a really vulnerable age and understands way more than you think - just nip the problems that could come from this in the bud...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:33 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • hon, he isnt a role model. not now. sure a kid needs a dad, dont we all? But not a dad on drugs. go to court , do what you have to to let someone know, you awant that for your kids(having a dad) but not THIS dad. maybe that will cause dad to get help. (hugss) good luck honey
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:35 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I think you should keep him away! Until he is a good role model. Drugs cause people to do some pretty shade things, and that's not a safe, peaceful, loving environment...to be around a dad that's high have the time. You are doing the right thing, and I'm so glad to hear your such a smart, loving mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • thank you all for the confidence in my decision it was a very hard one to make when it came to my kids and their hearts! Figaro8895 my son is in counseling but he is shuting dwn again and for quite sum time he has been angry at me and i believe he is really angry at his dad but taking it out on me! I hope me stoping him from seeing our kids will give him that wake up call he needs!
    coolness

    Answer by coolness at 10:24 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • I think that was definately the right call. My father was an alcoholic. We only saw him when he called because he moved so much and was homeless at times that you could not get ahold of him. My sister always had a much more emotional attachment to my dad. I especially as i got older distanced myself. I a lot of time didn't want to go see him. I don't think I ever said that out loud to anyone, but i just didn't feel much for him....except embarrassment. It sounds like your son has picked up on your Ex's problems and really doesn't want to be around him. Honestly, I never really cared to spend a lot of time with him. I never got over what he did to his own life I guess. When he was finally making progress and doing better, he had a medical issue that screwed everything back up again and he died a year or so after that. i honestly felt bad for him because I felt like he kind of got screwed at the end.

    cont.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:08 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

  • Keep yourself open to your son. I wish i had better advice, but I never shut down the way you are describing. I didn't talk with my mom about quite a bit when I was around that age, but i don't remember being angry with her. I really hope that things calm down with your son and the therapy helps. I wish that I could have had some therapy when I was younger.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:10 PM on Jun. 20, 2010

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