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Help! Mother In Law Advice!

I just found out my mom-in-law is telling my husband how uncomfortable I make her, how she is afraid of me, and how I am a generally mean person. I know this all stems from me telling her about 6 months ago to please stop decorating our home, to call before stopping in (husband gave her a house key) and to please follow basic infant care directions if she is watching my son... And instead of listening I was forever after seen as having emotional problems... Anyhow, I have been nothing but nice to her since my husband let me know the conflict between her and I has really affected him. Now, unfortunately, she is seeing her opportunity to continue to attack me when he visits her home or talks to her on the phone. Is there anything I can do? Is there anything I should do?? Help please! I don't want this conflict to continue hurting my husband...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Jun. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Oh, I sooo feel you. I went through this with my mil. She would say one thing to me in front of him and then bash me when i wasn't around. SHE was the problem in our marriage. I just had to get to the point that when he (or anyoen else) told me things that she said I had to call her out on it. Let her know that you know what she is saying. Yeah, it's not going to help how she feels about you, but it will let her know that you know what she's doing. You also need to tell your husband to STOP telling you what she says. He needs to keep things she says between the two of them and problems between you and him between the two of you. My hubby had this thing where he would run to him mom and complain or tell her about problems we were having. But would NEVER tell her that we worked things out or that things were goign good again. All she heard was the bad. This really put a strain on things. As far as your child, supervised visits.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • Your husband is HURTING you! He needs to stand up for you,, I feel your pain although it is MY own mother who will do this,,she had snuck in my house to rearrange my furniture,, DH was livid!!! I think you all need to sit down and talk, she sounds like a control freak,, and what do you mean basic infant care? I think you better stand up for yourself, or this is going to get out of control... when you sit down, I would actually suggest in front of a counselor/pastor type. You need to be careful,,so many MIL try to turn their "little boys" against their wivesl.. Hugs to you!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:18 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • He should not be letting his mother talk about his wife like that. He shouldn't be telling you that he is "hurt"! That is just stupid! Is he 2? First and formost you are his wife. He married you not his mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • I really don't have any advice for you because I am kinda in the same boat when it comes to my MIL. She drives me crazy she will call at least 10 times a day(I really am not exaggerating)Always wants to come over, and if I say no she acts like we're not really busy it is just because we hate her and she's fat. She will take anything I say and make it into something totally off the wall and cry to Vernon about it for hours. She also is always trying to start a fight, if not with me than with Vernon. She is awful, She will start a argument and carry it on for weeks and then when she decides it should be over she will come with gifts. Or buy my son extremely expensive toys and if I am still mad after she brings the gifts then I am unappreciative and argumentative. Sorry I know you were looking for help and I started venting. But hopefully someone else will have some good advice for you because I always have the MIL blues...lol
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 12:22 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • Tell your MIL to take a long walk off a short pier?
    E.B.030309

    Answer by E.B.030309 at 12:35 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • Ask your husband to have some respect for you & to tell his mother to stop bad mouthing his wife. He need to tell his mother that what she is saying about you hurts his feelings. He needs to tell her to not say anything about you if it's going to be mean. His mother is just mad because you gave her some rules for YOUR home. She sounds like a control freak. Good for you though for telling her what she cannot do in your home.

    My mother has had some differences with my husband, they are just two very different people. I had to tell her straight up to STOP talking about my husband. I told her that i love this man & that all you are doing is upsetting me when saying mean things about him, so please stop. I told her to write it in her journal if she feels she needs to get some feelings. But, ya know what? My mom stopped. And her & my DH actually have a better realtionship now that she knows i won't hear her shit talking.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:51 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • Your husband needs to step up and say "mom, I don't appreciate you talking about my wife that way, I don't want to hear it!". He needs to let her know that #1- this is your house and you have the right to decorate how you want, #2 it is common courtesy to call before showing up and #3 you are the baby's mother you and if you want to see the baby you follow the 'rules'. If she does not like it too bad. He needs to back you up, and then if he has issues with what is going on he needs to discuss it with you in private and get your side. Good luck!!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:31 PM on Jun. 21, 2010

  • If she's prone to just coming in your home with her key, I'd change the locks. I'd also ask her how she'd like it if you came in and decorated her home the way YOU wanted! I think your dh should also temporarily stop going to visit mom, and when she asks why he can tell her he doesn't enjoy hearing her downgrade you. Once she realizes he is going to be an adult and stand by his wife she will back down. Right now she thinks he's on her side of this. He really needs to stand up for you. And honestly, you should have never had to tell her to stop these things, he should have done it, it is his mother.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:00 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

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